Meaning, Truth, Survival

This afternoon was a time of stirring in my heart. I had a few things on my mind, but something in me was stirring. My dreams came to mind, of which I have spent much time thinking, praying and discussing about with friend. After this mornings church service, I just hung out in the sanctuary, to “think”. After several people came up and asked if I was ok and gave me hugs, everyone left the church. Everyone, but me and God. In the dark. I sat in there for a good hour I think. I cried, yelled, begged, all in prayer. Seeking answers. Seeking direction. Begging God to knock me out of the way and take over everything. And in all of this, asking God to speak to me, to whisper…I heard Him. I believe now, with all of my heart that, my dreams were not just dreams. No, they were more than that. They were God speaking to me. Of His power, His strength. Of a battle that is to take place in my life, of which my strength and power is no match. I believe I will face a battle, one where I will be forced to rely on nothing but the power and strength of God the Father Himself. I continue to seek when, and for what this battle will take place.

Before church this morning, I sat in my pew. I thought. I thought about truth. The Truth. I am passionately seeking it, for this is what I believe I am in part called to do. For the Truth is vital to life, our eternal life. That Truth is in Christ Jesus. This is our call, to seek after Him with all of our heart. And to do so passionately, with all that is in our whole being. I talked with God this afternoon of this as well. And my heart heard, nothing but the hand of God Himself can stop me from seeking the Truth. No power in Heaven, Hell, or on earth save the Father Himself can stop me. I will not accept anything short of Truth, and will fight with all that is in me against that which is not Truth. For this is my heart. This is my calling. To pursue Truth, to seek it out and grasp onto it with all that is in me.

Guidance. I need it. I lack it. Guide me Father. Grant me wisdom, knowledge of your Will for my life. That I am called I know, but I seek to know where. Even now tears come as I think of my cries today. I am weak. And now, more than ever, I need strength that does not fail. It sounds so trivial, yet it comes from within my heart, welling up from my very being. A desire, but more than this….a need, vital to my existence. I am weak. I sense a great storm approaching. Yet, deep within I feel a peace that I cannot supply on my own. I am still moved to tears, though not by fear, but by the grace and mercy poured out on me continually, despite how much I screw up.

Oh, dear coworker

i just got home from work. and i must say, i generally enjoy working where i do. i like my bosses, and most of my coworkers.

BUT.

what i hate:
people who don't do their jobs. now, i am in no way saying i am perfect and do my job the best all the time, or even close. but i do what is asked of me without griping.

so i have come to this very short conclusion. you were hired to work. not stand around like idiots and just talk. do that on your own time, not the company's. if you don't like your job, quit. trust me, you'll be making more people happy than not.

i think of a girl a few years back, who asked if she could do a "half-a** job".........to a manager i might add. please, why do some people have to be so stupid???? the work ethic has dropped so much it makes me sick!

as much as i love my bosses, i must say this:
thank God i am done in a week or so.

Let Us Hear

It is Christmas eve, and bitter cold outside. Perfect for a central Illinois Christmas. But my mind is not on the weather, it is not on trees and ornaments, presents, or family and friends. My mind is instead on a thought sparked by the movie The Polar Express. This is perhaps my favorite movie of all times. I grew up reading the book and shaking a bell. But the thought left with me is due to the end of the movie, much as it is in the book. The children hear the bell, while the parents cannot and thus think it is broken.

In the story, being able to hear the bells was based on the individuals belief that Christmas was real. But I think there is a deeper, spiritual meaning here rather than believing in Santa, elves, etc. I remember watching the end of the movie and fighting back tears. Something in my heart stirred. How many people go through this celebration of Christmas, and miss the sound of the bells because they do not believe? I see obsession with gifts, family and friends, food, etc. at an unhealthy level. They are great in moderation, but the reason for this time is much greater than any earthly thing.

I think of when Jesus spoke to His disciples about having the faith of a child. So often they are naive, willing to follow without question. Jesus has called us to have the faith of a child, to follow Him whole heartedly without hesitation. Not that we should not study and learn, but to be willing, trusting.

Let us this Christmas, be like the children in the story, the children whom Jesus speaks of to us. Let us believe with all of our hearts. Let us hear the bells.

contradictory?

i noticed something this evening. i was browsing on facebook and stumbled upon a profile. within this profile were two things, or applications as facebook so eloquently describes them. one, a "daily Bible verse" deal. the second, a "horoscope" deal.

now, someone please correct me if i am wrong but, is it not somewhat if not completely contradictory to have these two applications?


anyway, another thing that has been bugging me. the last week while driving i have heard this ad on the radio for cosmetics (or so it sounded to me). the ad makes it sound like you can by good looks. they box it up for you to buy.this got me thinking about how much we put stock in physical image. i mean sure, i believe God wants us to take care of our body, to look our best. but, we are a beautiful creation already, made in His image. that is powerful. so why do we become obsessed with our image? why do we think we have to be muscular, or a size whatever? is this really how God has created us to be?

i hope you enjoyed this rather random rant. random has been fairly prevalent in my life lately.....thanx amanda, lol.

power in dreams

i had another dream. much has been on my mind concerning dreams since talking with a friend about one i wrote about previously. i truly believe there is power in dreams, that God speaks to us in a great way through them. we see this all throughout Scripture.

my dream took place while i slept in my bed here at home. and this is where i was at in the dream. i have a large amount of (illegal) fireworks sitting next to my bed (all of this is real, and is a stockpile for the 4th). but in my dream i was awoken to 3 people entering my room. and as i sat up in bed, these three people brought in more and more fireworks and just added them to the pile of what i already had. i remember one face in particular, as i saw he was smiling as he did what he did. i know there is meaning in this dream, as i see a connection between it and the other one i had. i seek now to further understand their meaning, and the impact on my life it will and should have on my life.

God is uncontainable. here, in dreams, i see more of His power in my life. let us never put Him in a box.

about love

the following are some of my loosely structured thoughts in regards to what love is. they are thoughts, ideas, recorded for myself and others to ponder and reflect on. some is concrete for me, other things are not but are forming. may you feel free to read, ponder, reflect on love.

To say we love without any action to signify it, is just empty words. Much as James tells us faith without deeds is dead. We have taken something precious and pure, and have twisted, warped and stripped it down to nothing but perversion, emotion, and simply just a word. Empty. But what is love? This is the question I hear asked often. Not in so many words, until recently. What does it mean to love, what is it? Such a simple word when we look at it, but I believe it holds a great deal of meaning. There is great power in love, if only we embrace it, except it. It is meant to be pure, for that is how it was demonstrated. So what is it?

I think…no, I believe, love is more than a word. And even I fail at treating it as such, saying things like “I love hoodies”. But to love is to sacrifice. More than this, it is to do so selflessly, not expecting anything in return. It is not selfish. I would not sacrifice myself for my hoodie, no matter how much I may say I love it.

It is pure, as demonstrated for us by Christ.

I believe it is tied to emotion, but it is not purely emotion. It is emotion driven action, much like other things in our lives. To love is to care so deeply for or about someone or something that you give of yourself expecting nothing in return. I love the DC Talk song, Love Is A Verb. I love it because it drives this point home, that to love is to act. It is not just a word or emotion, but action.

Love is like faith. Show me your faith by what you do. And in the same way, show me your love by what you do. Jesus tells us that the man who losses his life will find it. To love, I truly believe is to give of yourself sacrificially for another selflessly. Could this be an idea Jesus was alluding to when He spoke those words?

time

have you ever had a time were you feel drained? as if all that is in you has gone. tonight has been one of those times, even as i type this. i feel tired, cranky....i have no desire to do anything and yet i want to do something. i cant make my mind up if i should go to bed, or waste more time staring at a computer screen.

and so here i am, typing this now. i am still up, still tired. this break has been an interesting one thus far. between work, hanging with students from this summer, feeling unwelcome for the most part at certain places, and vegging at home. i have noticed something tonight as i sit here. something that is pointed out to me every time i am home and acknowledge, yet have not really accepted it till now. the fact that when i am home, i am never home. i am always going, always doing something, always with someone or going to meet them.

i complain about how busy this world is we live in, yet my life reflects it just as much as the next person. it is almost like i have this subconscious idea that if i am not busy, if i am not running around doing something all the time, something is wrong.

this bugs me. and i see its destructive power in that, as i sit here not doing anything i almost feel lonely. i think of Solomon's words in Ecclesiastes, where he says "Therefore stand in awe of God." honestly, i feel that it has been a good long time since i have done this, and that must change. not just because i need to, but because i want to. not just out of obedience, but desire.

i need to slow down. i need to take some time to really seek God. more than need, i want to. i am sick of always feeling like i need to run, feeling like if i am not doing something there is something wrong with me. i have let this ideal of society creep into my life, and i hate it. i want to seek God, and make doing so a priority yet again. John Piper has said life is but a vapor, and i believe it. why waste it running around aimlessly, trying to be happy in doing so? rather, i wish to stand in awe more.

the "one thing"

there is one thing in our life that effects every other part. this is something i have come to believe in my heart, from my own personal walk and watching those of others. i believe, without a shadow of a doubt that the existence of, and the health of our relationship with Christ effects all that we do. it effects how we live our lives, how we view ourselves and others.

over the last few weeks i have had the opportunity to talk with several students about an array of topics, but they all came to this point. what does your relationship with Christ look like? is it healthy?

see, we have this way of messing things up. we get our lives, our agendas and priorities in the middle, and try to shape Christ around them. Jesus should be at the center of our lives, should be the very core of us as followers. i am convinced that when Jesus is the center of our lives, all else falls into place. not that this is a cure all, for Jesus was clear life following Him would be tough, even suck at times. but what is better than having the one who died for you, the only one who can restore communion between us and the Father, at the very core of our lives?

join me in catching ourselves, join me in switching spots. join me in giving Jesus the reigns, in putting our agendas aside and letting Him take center stage. for this is how it should be.

The Truth Behind Pain

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed.
As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation.
They talked about so many things and various subjects.
When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said:
"I don't believe that God exists."

"Why do you say that?" asked the customer.

"Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist.
Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people?
Would there be abandoned children?
If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain.
I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things."

The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start a argument. The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop.

Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard.
He looked dirty and unkempt. The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber:
"You know what? Barbers do not exist."
"How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber.
"I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!"
"No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside."

"Ah, but barbers DO exist! That's what happens when people do not come to me."
"Exactly!" affirmed the customer. "That's the point! God, too, DOES exist!
That's what happens when people do not go to Him and don't look to Him for help.
That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."

how often do we think this way, like the barber? how often do we think in a time of hurt and pain, that God is non-existent? the He is not there, or doesn't care?

in my time of ministry, and my time as a professing Christian, i have been asked many times why a loving God would allow such bad, hurtful and destructive situations happen in our lives. i mean, He is a God who loves, so why would He allow it? for the longest time to be honest i didn't have an answer. in my mind, it was God and He could do whatever He wanted, because He knows what is best for us. now, i still believe this, but i think there is more to it.

i think there is a good point made in this little story. i have noticed in my life, that often when i start to drift from God, my life gets screwed up. i am in pain, i get depressed, lonely, etc. the truth is i am not alone, but it is because i allow sin to take control of my life, I cut myself off from God. the story talks about coming to God, or a lack of it that causes pain. i agree, but i think there is more to it.

see, i believe God knows what is best for me. and i believe that as a follower, i should be continually growing. there is not a neutral position, you are either growing closer or farther or or from God. i have noticed in my life, that it is in the times of pain and hurt that i grow the most, that God uses those times to open my eyes to see the real me and convict me in such a powerful way, that to say no is to kill myself. i believe God allows these times to come upon us because it is what is best for us. when God strips away all my dependence on people and stuff, and i am naked. but He is there.

God is not non-existent as the barber claimed. He is there, and He is full of love and mercy and grace and forgiveness. sometimes we need to get our act together and seek Him, other times we need to except the times of pain and grow, let God strip us naked and expose our faults, and then repent.

next time you are in pain, examine your relationship. either way, we should be seeking God above all else, and before anything else when we are in pain and suffering. seek, have faith.....He is there.

More About Daniel

something is stirring inside me, and i cannot put my finger on it to save me. i have had so many theological discussions in the last few days, i feel like i could write several lengthy papers on a few subjects.

last night before bed, i started to go through the book of Daniel yet again and mark where reference to his character is made. the more i read this book, the deeper i dive, and the farther i swim the more and more i want to be like Daniel. i want the faith he had, i want the character he had. i have decided that my first sermon i ever have the chance to do will be about Daniel.

i mean, King Neb said there was none equal to him. a king said this! something i noticed he had that i strongly desire is "wisdom and tact". how i desire more of this.

but still, i am drawn to his faith. and we see it in more than just the lions den. we see it in his request to not eat of the royal food, when he approached the king about his dream when he was being searched out to be killed, again when he tells king Neb about his second dream (which wasn't the best of news), and when he interprets the vision of king Belshazzar.

so often, at least for me, when we think of Daniel we only think of the lions den. but by doing so i think we rob ourselves. there is so much more in these other stories of Daniel's life, and we can learn so much from them. more about faith, more about character.

i have a feeling i will be stuck on this book for a long time. but that is ok. i desire to grab all i can out of it, wrestle with it, and apply it. i invite you as always, to join me for the swim.

Daniel and Faith

i had to write a paper today for one of my classes, on a part of scripture from a section of the Old Testament that we are covering now. because of my interest and current study of, i picked a passage out of the book of Daniel.

the story of Daniel in the lion's den begins in chapter 6, and has been one that has always fascinated me since i can remember. i have been drawn to this book, to this man because i see something in him i desire; many things to be honest. i find it humorous what brought me to the decision to study it to, a simple song by FFH that sparked my heart.

but in this part of Daniel's story i see something very clear. i see a faith so strong, nothing can knock it down. pull it out and read.

we first get a glimpse of Daniel's character, and how distinguished it was. i mean check it out, when those administrators tried to find a fault in him, they got nothing! this guy was solid as a rock, "...trustworthy and neither corrupt nor negligent." because of this, these administrators and satraps who were out to get Daniel, had to target what he was good at. they had to target at something he was reliable for and consistent in. they had to target his faith.


now notice what they do. they go to the king as a group, but without Daniel. Daniel is not aware of their actions or their plans. they convince the king to sign into law a decree that can not be overturned, declaring death by the lions den for anyone who prays to any other god besides the king for the next 30 days. yet they tell the king they all have agreed upon this. i think this lie of theirs (because Daniel did not know, not all had agreed) says something more about Daniel's character. they had to go to the point of lying to catch Daniel.

when Daniel hears of this news, he continues to stay faithful and pray upon his roof facing Jerusalem. i stop at this point in the story for now. cause this is where his faith becomes so evident. see, Daniel was so strong in his convictions, beliefs and faith, that not even the threat of death shook him. he knew the consequences of his actions, no doubt. but he knew in his heart what he should do.

i wonder how often we get intimidated by danger, consequences and such. how often do we allow fear to creep in and shut us down. how often do we allow our faith to hide because we don't want to be made fun of at school or work. compare these situations to that of Daniel's . they don't compare, not even close. Daniel was thrown into a den of lions for holding to his faith. and thee were not nice lions, they had been starved for days before seeing Daniel. he knew that, yet he remained faithful, and he fleshed it out.

see, it is easy to say we are faithful, like many things. but do we flesh it out as we see Daniel did? i desire a faith that stands the test, that looks death in the face and screams, you will not shake me. i want a faith so strong that nothing in heaven or hell, no power can shake it but God himself. this is what i see in Daniel.

this is what i want, rock solid, unshakable faith. i want to be like Daniel.

i want it back

Twas the month before Christmas
When all through our land,
Not a Christian was praying
Nor taking a stand.
Why the Politically Correct Police had taken away,
The reason for Christmas - no one could say.
The children were told by their schools not to sing,
About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things.
It might hurt people's feelings, the teachers would say
December 25th is just a ' Holiday '.
Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks and credit
Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it!
CDs from Madonna, an X BOX, an I-pod
Something was changing, something quite odd!
Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa
In hopes to sell books by Franken & Fonda.
As Targets were hanging t heir trees upside down
At Lowe's the word Christmas - was no where to be found.
At K-Mart and Staples and Penny's and Sears
You won't hear the word Christmas; it won't touch your ears.
Inclusive, sensitive, Di-ver-si-ty
Are words that were used to intimidate me.
Now Daschle, Now Darden, Now Sharpton, Wolf Blitzen
On Boxer, on Rather, on Kerry, on Clinton!
At the top of the Senate, there arose such a clatter
To eliminate Jesus, in all public matter.
And we spoke not a word, as they took away our faith
Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace.
The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and discarded
The reason for the season, stopped before it started.
So as you celebrate 'Winter Break' under your 'Dream Tree'
Sipping your Starbucks, listen to me.
Choose your words carefully, choose what you say

Shout
MERRY CHRISTMAS,
not Happy Holiday!


i want my CHRISTMAS back.

the familiar

i just got back from Hesston last night/this morning. i flew out there thanksgiving morning to spend six days there with friends. i had a blast going to newell's, drifting in the snow at 3 in the morning with friends, almost dieing, eating, visiting with faculty, etc.

it came time to leave and part of me didn't want to, yet part of me did. i am excited for what is ahead of me, and at this time i am in Washington State for school. but at times i long for the familiar. it is something i have struggled with for some time now. i am not afraid of the future, but i have many memories that i love, and in my flesh at times wish i could relive, could recreate in some way. that thought came to mind this morning back here in Washington as i woke up and looked at the snow outside. it made me think of when it would snow back in Hesston and how much i loved it.

but here i am now, back in reality realizing i can not go back and relive the past. i can visit, and enjoy....but i can not make it now. but perhaps one day i will return, and stay awhile longer. until then, i look to the future and what God has in store for me, loving and remembering the good times.

with love to all my friends at and from Hesston College. Good times will always be remembered.

what are you thankful for?

iv been thinking the last few days about thanksgiving. it comes once a year, and then it is gone till the next pass. the whole idea behind this time is to be thankful for what we have. in my book, it is a time of celebration and thanks for what God has blessed us with.

i don't know about you, but i like the tradition of going around the table and saying what you are thankful for. but at the same time i have a problem. see, i have noticed that we tend to repeat the same things over and over again, and they seem to lose their luster. not that their is no real feeling there, but it is like saying the same word over and over again.....you start to wonder if your saying it right (or maybe that is just me). i do this, it is always family and friends or something big like that. and i have noticed something.

so often we forget about the little things. the last breath we just took, the last hug, smile, sight, word. the little things that make life so unique are often neglected when it comes to thanks. i encourage you to join me this thanksgiving to move past the same-old-same-old of thanking God for family and friends....not because they don't matter, but because there is so much more, so much less obvious that should be noticed.

see, everything we have comes from God, even the little things. it is because of God that you were granted another day of life, another breath. it is because of God that you experienced that last hug, or that last smile. so why not thank Him for it as we do for our families and friends? i am asking you to join me in breaking the tradition within the tradition, and bringing to light the things often missed. because i believe that often times the greatest things are the smallest. like that breath.

and lastly, why stop with the day of Thanksgiving? should we not be doing this all the time? why do we wait for this day, and after it has passed we forget to thank God? don't fall into the trap of forgetfulness. God deserves our thanks continually, every second, of every minute, of every hour, of every day. be thankful this day, and every day.

and remember the little things, they make life unique.

Daniel and Dreams

Thanksgiving is just 19 hours away fro me. i decided to take a personal day today because once 550 tomorrow gets here it will be non-stop moving. and i figured a good day of rest does not hurt. i went down stairs when i woke up to hear piano music and smell pumpkin pie......my mind flooded with memories of home.

i had a dream over and over again last night, yet i do not know its significance. i was hiking around a large lake. the lake was on my right, and thick woods and rock faces were to my left. the trail was sometimes ground, and other times i was on jutting out pieces of the rock face. it was summer. across the lake by a round, were houses on a slight hill, with lawns of grass. and running down these lawns was crystal clear water, yet it did not tear up or erode the lawn. it flowed like rapids into the lake. at the round in the trail, it was shady with thick woods i had to climb through. i wanted to get to the water flowing down the lawn, yet never did because of the thick woods. this played over and over in my head. then, the last time something was different. as i got to the rock part of the trail, i looked across by the houses to see a huge splash in the water. wondering what it was i stopped and then noticed 3 kayaks that had slid off the hill. 2 were very large, and the third normal one person size. they came up right next to me and turned the bend and went along. then i woke up.

i have no idea what this means. iv been reading the book of Daniel. Daniel was an interpreter of dreams by God's grace. i desire to be like Daniel, not because of the dream deal, but because of his character. but like him, i am asking for clarity with this dream. i believe it has significance. yet i do not know what it is. but God does. i think, perhaps He is saying something to me here, and if so He will grant me the knowledge to see it.

in the mean time, i would encourage you to all read the book of Daniel. don't stay on the surface though, you'll get so little out of it that way. go deep. see, reading the Bible is like the ocean. it looks really kool standing on the beach, but when you dive in and go under, you discover so much more. dive in, go deep. journey with me and see why i want to be like Daniel.

emotional clouds

iv been thinking today, how often do we let our emotions rule us? i wrote a paper earlier today about pride, and my journey of dealing with it. when i look back on my short life i see many times where i let emotions like pride, anger, envy, or lust creep into my life and all hell breaks lose. in light of a recent event, i wish to raise this question to you. how often do you let your anger, pride, envy, whatever it might be, rule your life? see, if we call ourselves followers of Christ i have an issue with living this way. and i am not saying in any way that i am perfect, that i have got it all figured out, cause i don't. it is an issue i live with every day, it is part of being human.

i love Romans 8, where Paul is talking about living in the Spirit. see, if we are truly followers of Christ as so many of us claim to be, we should be striving to live in the Spirit, not our sinful natures. in chapter 12 he talks about renewing our minds to be in the likeness of God, not the world. and then in chapter 13, at the very end Paul tells us to "clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ".

think about it: the way of this world is one that gives into emotions, that bases decision making on how you feel. but as followers of Christ it should be different. not that we through out feeling all together, but that we should be living by the Spirit. we should not be acting out of anger, pride, envy, etc. but rather we should be acting out of love, mercy, grace, with a humble heart and mind. this is the way of Christ.

so i challenge you to look past the emotion. not to disregard or ignore it, but to move past it. seek God in the times of hardship, cause He is there whether you can see Him or not. it doesn't happen over night often, and it can be hard.....i know, iv been there many times. but we should be seeking God, His wisdom and knowledge in all of this.

we can not let our emotion cloud our spiritual eyes. look, He is there in the midst.

thanks Evan

i love how God works things. how He can show you something, teach you something, get you thinking about something that you can then use to maybe bless another. and the timing is perfect.


i watched Evan Almighty last night and i laughed a lot. but when we got to the end, had i been alone i would have cried. my mind was turning. something inside me did something, i don't know what, when Evan walked to the tree to talk with God. see, i desire what Evan had in the movie: personal one-on-one time with God in the physical realm.

you ever hit points in your life where it just sucks? and i don't mean, yeah it sucks. i mean the "it blows the big one" type suck in life. it is times like that which i want to be held. but not by anyone, by God. we talk and say that God is holding us in times of hardship, ad i don't argue that. but i long for a physical holding, as a father holds his child. a physical intimacy.

then in the movie, Evan turns around for a moment, and when he turns back God is gone. i wonder what was going through Evan's head. i know what was going through mine. i placed myself in his shoes for a moment there, and when he turned around and God was gone, something in my turned. like the floor being pulled out from underneath me. see, i wonder how much we hold onto the physical. i put myself in his shoes and when God wast there my heart was in pain, as if someone i loved was now gone forever.

but here is the thing. God is never gone. just because we can not physically see Him doesn't mean He is not around. and those hard times, the ones that just really suck.....how quick are we to think God isn't there? we have to catch ourselves. God is always present. He is always loving and never changing. when life sucks, He is carrying us even if it don't feel like it. i challenge you if you are in a time of hardship and feel alone; get away from everything for a little and get into the Word. spend some time with God, cause He is right there with you. seek His counsel, seek His peace and comfort. cause trust me, it is so much greater than anything here on earth can provide.

and remember, just cause you cant see Him don't mean He isn't there. He might even be carrying you and you don't realize it.

count it

i had a conversation with a friend just a little bit ago in which a thought was spurned. mark and i were talking about the books that we are writing, and in our discussion something spurred my mind to think about the cost of following Christ. i remember, he told me i was a good sales man, and we started talking more about my calling to the ministry. and this got me thinking, in a way i am selling something. i am selling the Christian lifestyle, in a sense.

think about it. so often i think we have this mind set that it doesn't cost anything to follow Christ. i think many churches preach this, or at least give this idea, and many "Christians" give this impression as well. but i do not think this is right. when we break it down, when we look at what it really means to be a Christian, to follow Christ.......it costs. and it is not just a small down payment either. sure, we accept Christ as our Savior, but there is so much more! it is about completely surrendering yourself to His will and control. it costs you everything. i love Jeremy Camp's song "Tonight" because this is what he is talking about. paying the price to follow Christ, to live up to the claim of being a Christian. we must pick up a cross and follow. iv said it before, following Him is not a walk in the park.

see, there is this other idea that following Christ is full of fun, happiness, flowers, birds, butterflies, whatever happy things you can think of. but the reality is that it is not. that mindset is an illusion concocted by Satan himself! the reality is that Jesus was very clear that if you follow Him, it would be rough.

why? look what He went through. honestly, when was the last time you sat down and studied, contemplated and meditated on the sacrifice Jesus made? for me, it has been a while......and that is changing. i am calling you who call your selves Christians, even those who are thinking of following Christ, to think about it. realize that Jesus is asking for more than just a yes. He is asking for action to back it up. more than this, He deserves it.

don't follow blindly.

slow it down

why do we rush? why do we run head long into something without stopping and pondering more often? i see so many people, myself being one of them, just rush into doing something without thinking about what is really involved. and then, when we get in and we start getting overwhelmed we freak out like we don't understand why all this is happening. this boggles my mind.

i think of prayer. how often do we lie down at night and start rattling off this list of things, just filling time and space with our words? i have so often found myself doing this and i have to stop myself. iv had to go to lengths before where i tell myself to stop talking out loud. why do we do this? is it an effort to avoid awkward silence? do we think God doesn't hear us if we don't say it a certain way or loud enough? my eyes feel upon a verse again the other day, one that in the last few years has been one of comfort to me. in Ecclesiastes 5 i hear God telling me to be silent, to slow down and listen.

"2Do not be quick with your mouth,
do not be hasty in your heart
to utter anything before God.
God is in heaven
and you are on earth,
so let your words be few."

see, i think we have this idea that prayer is just rambling off this list of wishes and wants, begging God to grant them to us. point blank, that is a joke. prayer is more than telling God what we want. prayer is about relationship, one with God the Father through His Son Jesus Christ. it is personal, and it is two-way, not one. when we pray we must listen for God to answer. we need to slow down, maybe even shut-up for once, and just listen. as the Scripture says, "...let your words be few."

but this is just one aspect of many in relation to prayer. and what about the issue that spurned me into this? the fact that today's world is one of busyness. if you are not busy, there is something wrong with you. you cant slow down or stop what you are doing, and if you can find something to do!

this is what the world screams at us, and i am sick of it. i am sick of watching people rush into things they do not understand and than getting into a hole so deep they cant get back out, and if they can they become so depressed no pill can ever cure them.

stop.

just stop for once. take a walk. go for a hike. get out of town for a weekend. sleep in, lounge around the house. take a day off work or school. spend time in the Word, spend some time with the Father.

take a breath, let your words be few.

under the wing

i hate it when i cant find the words for how and what i am feeling and thinking. i feel helpless, constricted and tied down. i have felt this way most of today, until now. i am starting to find the words for what is on my heart and mind. i only pray they make as much sense to whoever reads this as it does to me.

i have never realized the importance of mentoring until today. nothing profound happened to me, except seeing the importance of it in those we read of in Scripture. i think, if it was important for them to go through training, to be discipled and mentored, how much more important is it today? see, if i could do it my way i would not be here in school right now, and i would have gone into full-time ministry a few years ago. but i wonder where i would be if i had done that. burned out, tired, lonely, disappointed.

i look back over the last few years of my life and see where God has been training me. and it never stops. my grandma just passed into eternity a week ago tomorrow. i had never been that close to death in my life, yet i had helped others through it....and how much more can i help now that i have personally journeyed through that valley? even before i got my act together, someone saw something in me and took me under their wing in the ministry, and then passed me on to another person to continue. and after high school i continued to pursue the call God has placed on my life and surround myself with Godly men to mentor me. this is a continuous thing. i think of Joseph in Scripture, how God took him through 13 years of hell, training and preparing him for his future position at age 30. and i find it interesting that this was the same age that David became king, and Jesus Himself started His ministry.

after reading about this, thinking about it, i desire more to under go more training than ever before. i desire to continue and surround myself with Godly men who will speak into my life words of wisdom, and encourage me to grow in the Word. i think God has much more training for me to under go in the years to come. and i am glad.

beautiful

I cry, Father, Father, forgive me
You say, Child, I already have
You are beautiful
Beautiful Redemption
You are Beautiful
Beautiful Redemption


read those lyrics. and then read them again. read them several times. they are from the song Beautiful Redemption by Joy Williams, and these lyrics hit me today.

see, i always find myself questioning if i am forgiven for something i have done and have sought forgiveness for. i find myself asking for forgiveness over and over again as if i never have before. i know i am forgiven, Christ has died in my place and covered it all for all eternity. yet there is still something in me that makes me doubt. i love one of the lines before this chorus where she relates herself to Thomas, the one who doubted. how often do i doubt my forgiveness?

but i am reminded that i am forgiven. when i cry "Father forgive me", He already has. and because of this, i am beautiful. because i am His and He is mine, i am a beautiful redemption. nothing less.

i thought

i just got back home from an awesome weekend working up at camp. i reffed paintball on saturday and cleaned on sunday. the rest of the time i pretty much just chilled. i started thinking when i got home tonight that i need to blog, but i couldnt think of anything, so i thought i would just start writing. things always come to my mind when i do this. and this time is no different.

this weekend at camp i took the time to do some reading. i tend to find myself asking God to lead me to the right place in Scripture for this time in my life, and for Him to speak to me. well, God is good and He answered my prayer. i didnt realize it though until saturday late morning.

see, all day friday i felt drawn to Romans 8, the whole chapter....but i couldnt figure out why. i kept reading and reading it over and over again, finding refreshment in it every time i spoke the words of Paul's letter. and then i went for a hike saturday by myself. i find myself thinking about this passage that i had been drawn to, and started to reflect. what did it say, and what does it mean? see, the passage talks about living by the Spirit, and not by sinful nature. and something clicked in my head.

once again, God was telling me that it can not be my way, but must be His. it's nothing new to me, but something i find needing constant reminding of. so often in the busyness that i create in my life, i start to think and do thing s my way without even taking a breath, and consulting God. and this tends to put me in a pile of crap in the end. see, i was reminded once again that i have to stop JUST preaching the Word.......i have to match it with my action. and it is not just a once a week thing. it's an issue of integrity. what i say must match what i do, and what i do must match what i say. sounds simple......but it aint. so often i trip and fall, im human. my sinful nature gets in the way, and instead of letting the Spirit lead me, i chose my sinful nature. but Paul is very clear in his letter that this should not be. if i am a follower of Christ i should be living according to the Spirit, not myself.

again, this is something i preach, yet often find myself falling short of in my personal life. it is an issue of integrity. i dont know if any of this makes sense to you. maybe it only makes sense to me, but as with all of the things i write, i have to. maybe this is just something for me to reflect on. and maybe, just maybe it will make sense to you by the grace of God.

reminder

today i got on the bus at the station to come home, just like any other day. it was a quiet bus, perhaps because the weather out is dark and rainy. before i got on that bus i noticed that the paint scheme on this one was the American flag, and to my knowledge they had only one like this. i know believe this to be true as you will find out.

i got on as i said, and found my seat. i observed who was on board, not knowing anyone but curious. then something caught my eye as we headed down the road. at the front of the bus, where the bus number is usually at where five shiny numbers, like you would find on the front of a house. i read the number and at first didn't recognize the significance. than as i sat there, i started to ponder this. this was the first and only bus number i had seen displayed in this fashion. then i put the number in connection with the paint scheme of the bus. its number was 91101, representing September 11th, 2001. the bus was painted as an American flag. it all came together now. this bus was a tribute to those affected by the events on 9/11, yet it was subtle. it was not screaming at you, hey look at me and what i am representing! instead, it was a humble representation and display of remembrance.

i sat and thought of this for the rest of my ride home. i though, i wonder how many people have realized the significance of this bus? how many people have taken the time to look at the numbers, look at the paint scheme, and connect the two with history?

see, for me this day two things happened. one, i was reminded of what happened in a powerful way, one that caught my breath, made my heart jump when i drew the lines. but second, it reminded how often we get caught up in the business of life that we so often miss the subtle, yet profound things in life.

one day

so i was thinking yet again in the shower today. it seems this is where the majority of my thinking happens. i dont know why.

before i went to shower i read an article in my October 2007 Backpacker Magazine that really caught my interest. it was about a man in Silverton, CO who once was a drunk brawler, and became a Bible reading, mountaineering, litter-picker-upper, land protector, generous and helpful citizen.......who one day disappeared in the nearby mountains. but something in this article really grabbed me, and wouldnt let me go, so i chewed on it while i showered. thus here i am.

at one point in the article the writer speaks of a young lady Skip (the man i speak of) worked with. check this out....

Rosato says she asked Conrad about his health, and his hiking. "I said, 'If you have trouble or go missing, what should we do?' And he said, 'Don't worry about it, I'll be where I want to be."
"Vanishing Act" by Steve Friedman in the October 2007 issue of Backpacker Magazine

i have to be honest that when i read that i started to tear up. "Don't worry about it, I'll be where I want to be." i think about my life. i love the outdoors, i love to hike. i started thinking about this weekend at home, the death of my grandma and how she was cremated. my step-dad and i got to joking about what we would want done with our ashes if we were cremated, and after he said something in relation to Wriggly Field, he said something about me and a mountain peak. i never thought about my death as much as i have this past weekend. no surprise. most people my age dont.

but i started thinking about this today as i showered. it is true, i love the mountains, i love to hike and be in nature. i love being out in God's creation unspoiled. and as i think more about it, it becomes clearer that i could die out there......but i believe i would be at peace. as Skip Conrad told Rosato, "Don't worry about it, I'll be where i want to be."

i dont know the future, only my Father and Creator does. and i trust Him. i know He has a plan for my life, my future earthly death planned out, and i find comfort in that. i know that in the end here, i will ascend to Him for all eternity. but as for my earthly death, may it be declared here. should i die a natural death, one not lost in God's creation, let me make this clear.

my body will not be buried in a fenced in yard, a cemetery with a trimmed lawn and nice headstones. this is not me. i will be cremated, and my ashes scattered in the mountains of my choice. this is not a childish, immature idea. i find God most clearly in His creation, and this is where i wish for my body to return, dust to dust, ashes to ashes.

so let it stand here, my desire for my remains. and, if my end is like that of Skip's, listen to him when he says, "Don't worry about it, I'll be where I want to be."

for you

I don’t know much about death. Those who do are unable to tell us directly. I remember when I was younger going to funerals and just sitting or standing there, not showing emotion simply because I was not sad. It’s not that I was happy about the death, but everyone’s funeral I had been to, I really didn’t know them. I didn’t feel any lose of my own. Things have changed now. I cried for the first time at a funeral this Sunday afternoon during the service for my grandma. The memories flood your mind, her face and her voice. I think of her when she would laugh, how it came from deep inside her. It was not a shallow laugh, but a hearty one. I think of her smile, how big and great it was. Never a shallow half smile.

Coming home this weekend for the funeral was one of the best trips home I have had yet in my life. Granted I wish the circumstances could have been brighter, but there was joy none the less. I got to see all of my family, spend time with students from this past summer, hang with fellow leaders in the ministry, and chat with my pastor. Il never forget how the students made me feel Sunday night at reality. The love was amazing, and comforting. I love how God continually shows Himself through others in my life. I thank Him for the peace of mind and spirit He has granted me. I know where my grandma is, and whose presence she is in.

In his message at the funeral, Pastor Hauter raised the question of eternity. Do you know where you are going? My grandma did, it was clear. I spoke with my other grandma who was holding hands with my grandma when she died. She said it was so peaceful, no fear or concern, just peace. I think it is natural to be afraid of dieing, so I ask you where this peace could have come from. And I have an answer….from the Lord God whom she had faith in. And this is the same peace I have found in this time. This is why I can smile today, why I could smile and laugh Sunday. We have lost someone dear to us, but God is rejoicing one of His children has come home. This gives me peace, security. I know in my heart and mind, that when my time comes I will see her once again. I have made that choice concerning eternity. What is yours?

i smile

i have been told by many people that i smile a lot. just today i was told by the nice lady at the STA Plaza who took my mug shot (for my bus pass) that i have a nice smile. i have come to notice that i often find myself smiling without realizing it....if you follow that line of thought. i can smile for like 10 minutes without even realizing it until i see someone stair at me. this happened tonight.

the church i attend here in washington had what we call a "fall fest" for families with kids. i sat in the middle as chris chased drew around (he had a smarty and got a sugar rush) and just whatched all the parents and their kids. next thing i know, i realize i have one of the biggest smiles i have had in a long time.

but then something clicked. i was not smiling because of anything external really....it was all internal. it was the joy i got from watching the interaction between the parents and their children. it was seeing a young student who had been coming to church and i knew had a rough background, serving at a game booth, and seeing the smile on his face. these things brought me joy inside, and that showed through my smile.

see, i believe that what touches our hearts, the joy in us causes us to smile on the outside. so i ask you this....what fills you with joy on the inside? of course, for me at the core it is the security i have in knowing Christ as my Savior who died for me, but after that there are other things.....like the children and parents. what is it for you? and if Christ is not at your center, i challenge you to explore this, to take that leap towards Him. cause nothing will bring you greater joy.........not even the brightest of results from the darkest of circumstances.

the loss of Christmas

i hung up some Christmas lights today that i got two years ago at hesston. one strand of white, one of blue.....and wishing i had a third to go down the middle of the room. darn.

while doing this i had the opportunity to think about how some people lovingly call me the grinch when it comes to Christmas.

it is well known by those who know me well, that over the years i have come to despise the Christmas season more and more. and with that statement, please allow me to explain. i dont like much Christmas music, trees, presents, dinners, lights, etc. like i used to. why? because this is not what Christmas is really about, yet it is what we have made it to be. i hate the buiseness of Christmas, how we have taken something so precious and sacred and turned it into a market.

i think of the Temple, and how Jesus tore the place apart. think about it. the people of His day took the holiest place and turned it into a market. and here we are 2000 some years later, doing the same thing to one of the most sacred of celebrations. i am convinced that if Christ were to come back at Christmas, He would tear this place apart.

i love Christmas for what it truly is, the celebration of the holy, sacred miraculous virgin birth of the Lord of my life, Jesus Christ. in turn i hate Christmas for what it has become, a spectacle for all to enjoy complete with lights, presents, dinners, trees, etc. im not saying these things are bad....but they have become bad. the focus has been lost and we have become consumed with the wrong thing. we have made Christmas into an idol, worshiping these things....when we should be worshiping the true reason for this time, Christ.

so iv you think i dont like Christmas, quiet honestly its probly that i dont like your idea of Christmas. i think it is time that we get back to the roots here. to really refocus on what it is we are celebrating. i believe it is imperative, and that to not do so is tragic.

my prayer

I know that I’ve been,
Given more than beyond measure,
I come alive when,
I see beyond my fears
I know that I’ve been given more than earthly treasure,
I come alive when
I’ve broken down and given you control

"Beyond Measure" by Jeremy Camp

risk

so iv been talking with emily allison, and she pointed out that i have been writing a lot. you may have noticed this as well. its kinda weird i guess, cause all through out my academic career i never wrote this much. but here we are. iv summed it up to i just have a lot on my heart and mind i cant just keep bottled up and to myself. something in me says, i need to write this.....so i do.

in talking with emily this morning, i mentioned that i was going to work on my speech for this wednesday at some point today. and she asked me what it was about, and i realized this is something i must write. i can not keep it in.

iv been challenged about many things in my own life a lot here in the last few weeks, and as you can read in my earlier blog, have come to realize some things fully in the last few days.

one of these things iv been challenged with is what my speech is on. the last few weeks when iv been riding the bus, there has been a guy every once in a while. at first i tried to distance myself from him, i was almost embarrassed of him. sounds weird. see, he had no shame of his faith, and he actively sought out people to share it with. i on the other hand just sat quietly on the bus keeping to myself. here was a guy living out what i have preached about, and i am embarrassed to be associated with him in any way. that was not right.

see, i would always talk about sharing my faith, about how it is something i believe we are commanded to do (and i do). but then, i would just sit in my corner and wait for God to smack me in the face with an opportunity to share my faith. i would never stick my neck out. then i see this guy who even when trash talked by some guy, he keeps truckin along sharing his heart.

iv been convicted. i need to stop just preaching it and sitting in my corner and waiting. i need to step up to the plate and stick my neck out. i need to take some initiative. see, part of following Christ is taking risk. to stick your neck out knowing your head might get cut off. this is our charge as followers of Christ, and i am guilty of not stepping up most of the time.

this needs to change. i need to change. and i am....gradually. i would encourage you, if you call yourself a follower of Christ, a CHRISTIAN......to take this walk with me. it wont be easy, it will hurt at times. i need to start sticking myself out there, step out on that limb and take a chance for Christ. sure im going to fall every once in a while. but i know who is going to catch me. and that keeps me going. please join me in growing and living out a faith and love in Jesus Christ. after all, as followers it is no longer a choice.......but a command.

when forgivness hits home

i had a dream last night. and no, it was nothing like MLK Jr.

i had a dream that i was at a walmart with a bunch of my students from nwoods this summer. it was winter time, and obviously i was home for break. we were working a fund raiser or something, im not really sure....probly cause its not the point. anyways, after a day of working, i get a call that i need to go, and as i start walking out to the main doors, i pass my step-dad who smiles at me. i turn and tell tim wyne peace, and that i will see him later and continue walking. then i notice who is there to pick me up, waiting for me at the main doors.

an old friend, someone i have come to love and care for as if my own brother, flesh and blood. yet i have let past events get in the way and fester into bitterness. something i know is wrong. when i saw him i was surprised, but filled with such joy. i knew who it was, and i smiled. i felt no bitterness, no anger......but joy, love, forgiveness......and guilt.

it didnt take long after i woke up this morning to realize the significance of this dream. ever since i moved all i could think about was hanging with my nwoods friends, which i will do. but i had no desire to hang with others. i was angry, felt abandoned for something better and funner.....maybe an issue of pride for myself? and then i remembered a discussion i had with a good friend and mentor the other night about forgiveness. he told me how his bitterness and anger was gone, that he let it go and moved on.....and i was challenged.

the other night i had had enough and i broke down. it felt like i had a stone tied to my anckle that was draging me down and i needed to cut it off. and so i did....i gave my anger, my envy, my pride, all of this junk to God for Him to get rid of, cause i knew in my weakness it would remain and just fester. i could not do it on my own. i felt refreshed the next day, even outwardly happy, something that has been missing for some time since moving here.

this all came back to me this morning as i lied in bed after waking from this dream. i put this junk behind me, i gave it to God and im done with it. i am sick of feeling angry, of letting my pride and bitterness get in the way of a friendship. the whole concept of forgiveness really hit home for me, not because i felt like i had forgiven someone necessarily, but because i felt the effects so strongly of forgiveness from God. i know this junk is behind me, i know i can move on. though i am still weak, and so i ask for help from God. cause as always, i know if i try it on my own il just screw it up royally.

here is my heart. im done being bitter, selfish, prideful, angry, envious, jealous, etc. it takes me no where but down. iv felt a change in me, and now i understand what it is, the importance of it. this doesnt mean i wont screw up, i know i will....it is called being human. but that is not where my heart is, it is not what i desire.

iv come to think, maybe we dont really understand forgiveness until we realize the realness of the forgiveness of our Heavenly Father. at least, this was my case.

i just had to

i saw this on a friends facebook, and i had to post it again. it's all bout home for me.

1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more
work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you
drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four
wheel drive because I need it. Drive it or get it out of the way.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven
years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our
women will get you whipped...by our women.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to
us if a flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a
name for those little trout you fish for...bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order
steak. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick
off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

9. You bring coke into my house, it better be brown, wet,
and served over ice.

10. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on
weekends. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million
dollar combines (x 2) that we use two weeks a year.

11. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town.
We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

12. Our women hunt, fish, drive trucks, tractors, and 4 wheelers--because they
want to. So, you're a feminist from the city. Isn't that cute.

13. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too--and turtle. You really
want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

14. They are pigs and cows. That's what they smell like. Get over
it. Don't like it? Interstates 70, 80, 64, 74 go two
ways--Interstates 55 & 57 go the other two. Pick one and use it
accordingly.

15. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season.
It's a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.

16. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called
being friendly. Understand the concept?

17. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water
hazard. It spooks the fish.

18. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over
for driving like an idiot? His name is "Sir" -no matter how old he is

19. Collars of shirts are meant to be folded down, refer to number 6 to see what you look like!

some day, i hope....

i would like to have children. i like kids, i think they are great. otherwise i wouldnt be so excited about being a youth pastor.

but the more i live with a 12 year old girl, the more i hope one day in the future i dont have girls.

and then, i think of all the fun i would have with their potential boyfriends and a smile comes to my face.

i hope i have a girl some day. and lots of boys to watch out for her.

i hope.

the fashion problem

i stumbled upon an interesting article today about fashion that brought up a topic that really bugs me to be honest. i would encourage you to check it out here and then continue to read on.

you may have noticed this is my third post related to clothing. you are an observant one! this is an issue that has been rekindled in me so to speak within the last month or so. what the article talks about (for those who didn't read it, here is a readers digest) is how today's youth and children are bullying others simply because of the clothes they are or are not wearing. and also how high end clothing makers are expanding their clothing lines to the younger generation.

oh how gratefully for this i am. NOT!

honestly, wearing Nike or Adidas, or some expensive French or Italian brand of jeans or dress does not define you. and if it does, you need some serious help, cause that is just pathetic.

what really bugs me though is how this is tolerated. it seems like society thinks we can fix this by lowering prices for these high end clothes, so more people can afford them. give me a break!

what needs to happen is the parents taking responsibility for raising their children. teach them the importance of character and integrity, and the fact that it is not built on tearing others down or what you wear.

but this does not surprise me. our culture and society keeps going down hill more and more every day it seems. women don't respect themselves when it comes to dress (though there are some great women out there who do!) and in turn guys don't respect women. and now people think you aren't someone if you don't wear this brand. kids think this!!!

not to mention a lot of the new fashions just look stupid. i don't blame the parents and kids who dress sensibly....who wants to waste their money and time on a pair of fashion jeans that just look stupid?

now, i admit that i like some brands over others. pretty much all of my shoes are Adidas brand, simply cause i feel most comfortable in them. and i don't go out and buy the latest pair. same with my jeans. i like a few brands and that is what i buy, cause i like them. not cause they are the hottest fashion (and they are not).

now that i have spewed my thoughts (i hope someone can make sense of them!), where does it leave us?

i challenge you to join me in being sensible with what we buy and wear. a pair of fashion jeans that cost $120 is not what makes you who you are, and should not be the basis on which people judge you. it is who you are on the inside that counts, a point i think has lost much of its meaning over time because its been said so much. but it is true. you were created beautifully by the very hands of God. it is He who defines you, not the world, not clothes.

lets grow up, lets be mature. the latest fashion is not always worth it.

for the ladies again

my last post got a response that i was not expecting. i was contacted by the family of Christa Taylor, a young woman who desires modest clothing for women today. so much so that with the help of her father, she began her own clothing company called "Christa Taylor"........duh!

i would encourage all women who honestly respect their own body, to check out this website.

http://www.christa-taylor.com/

after hearing about it, i checked it out and was amazed! and to just know that there is a woman out there who took this step and did what she did rocks! i would encourage you to check it out, and more so examine your clothes. what are you wearing? what does it say about you?

for the ladies, regarding a "creepy guy" group

so i stumbled upon something that i could not pass up commenting on.

on facebook i noticed that some girls i happen to know joined a group entitled "Girls Who Unfortunatly Always Attract Creepy Guys". now, what i have to say does not so much apply to the girls i know in this case, but i pray it is a reminder.

i clicked on the group to look at the page and read the description, and noticed some of the profile pictures of the girls who have joined. many of them looked immodest. so i started think about something that has not crossed my mind in a while.

how a girl dresses tells you what kind of guy they are trying to attract, whether it be intentional or not. a girl who dresses half naked is always going to attract a guy who is interested in that. and not very surprising most of the guys who are interested in that are often creepy. so it seems almost a contradiction for many of the girls i noticed to have joined this group.

if you dont want to attract creepy guys, why dont you start with your dress. respect yourself enough to cover your body in a modest fashion and not draw attention to yourself. stop tempting guys by showing so much skin and then blaming them for it. it is your body, take responsibility for it and grow up.

i got news for ya......modest is hottest. its old, and not original, but it is true. you want to attract good guys, then dress modestly and respect yourselves and you will find a guy who desires that in a woman.

this is not rocket science.

define

i started thinking this morning about what shapes me. i got the idea from some of the devotions written by Sarah in the scooper for reality. they were all about what makes you who you are, what defines and shapes you. one of my favorite passages from one of my two favorite books of the Bible was used by Sarah, that being Ephesians 5:1. "be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children".

it made me think how much of an imitator of God i am, or better put how much i strive to be. this just a part of our calling, but a part that should overshadow all other parts. and from this should flow all other parts of our calling. we have to make a conscious effort to do this. remember, we are by nature sinful creatures. this is a daily struggle. over the years i have come to find what i now call obvious. the more i surround myself with things and people that are in line with God, the more in line with God i will be.

so i join Sarah in asking what defines you? what are you surrounding yourself with that shapes and molds you? is it worth it in the end?

don't get comfortable

"There is a river that washes you clean
There is a tree that marks the places you've been
Blood that was spilled, although not your own
For all of these things, love will atone"

this is part of a song by Jars Of Clay, a song that i have come to love. it talks about the river being the blood of Christ, and how it washes us clean. the blood of Christ does this, not ours. and on top of this, there is nothing that could ever be done outside of the blood of Christ that can wash us clean before the Lord God.


and i love this last line, "For all these things, love will atone". everything we have ever done wrong, every screw up and mistake.....it is all covered by Christ's atoning blood through His death.

but here is the catch. see, today it seems that this is all we emphasize.....that by accepting Jesus, by saying this little prayer you are all set and guaranteed to go to heaven. i do not argue that if you do this you will go to heaven, so long as it is true in your heart....and God knows that answer just as good as you do. but what we fail to inform people today is that there is more to it that just saying yes. there must be action, after all being a Christian is really a lifestyle, one that mimics Jesus. accepting Christ is not a cure-all for life's problems, it is a commitment to follow Him faithfully, even through the crap of life. and fyi, no where in the Bible does it say a life with Christ will be problem free. Jesus Himself said that to follow Him will tear families apart.

so yes, the atoning death and blood of Christ washes us clean, wipes the slate for us before God, but in accepting Him and this sacrifice He made for us, we are saying that we will follow Him faithfully and whole heartedly. that is the catch. to be a total sell-out for Christ in all we do.

the cost is everything. the rewards are unimaginable. are you willing to step up to the plate?

What Are You Wearing?

check this out....

"Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature."
Romans 13:14 NIV

what are you wearing? do others recognize it?

patience is a virtue...but dont compromise the cores

almost every day, i get to witness immaturity at a level i never thought imaginable. today was no different. on occasion durring my ride home on the bus i get to listen to high schoolers talk like and about things you would expect a 5th grader to talk like and about. it is very sad......trust me. seeing this lack of maturity troubles me. i fear that todays teenagers are probably the most immature bunch this world has ever had the sad privilege of bearing.

today, i listened to two boys who were 15 years old talk about home coming. durring their loud obnoxious immature discussion of this topic i learned that they both planed on having sex in a hotel that would be secured by a friend who was 18 and had a credit card, immediately following the dance. almost in the same breath one boy mentioned how he had a friend who assured him he would pick him up no matter how drunk or high he might be, and then the two started joking about it. now, if you know me i have very little tolerance for immaturity.....and in my flesh i wanted to turn around and punch these two kids in the face so they would be physically incapable of speaking anymore. that was my flesh.

i restrained myself long enough to get to my bus stop where i exited and thanked God for helping me hold back and allowing my stop to be so close. but my mind started thinking. i was so impatient with these two children that i wanted to knock them out for their immaturity and stupidity. and i started thinking, how often do i deserve that to be done to me? how often am i immature and stupid. how many times does God sit on His throne and just shake His head?

the patience that God exhibits with us is unfathomable. no matter what i do, how immature i am or how stupid i am, i know that God still loves me. now there have been times in my life where He has smacked me on the back of the head.....and i needed it. but He is a patient God, a loving God. it is a reminder to me that as a follower of Christ, and even more so as a minister i must have a patient Spirit when it comes to dealing with people. not that i lower my standards, or compromise my values or beliefs to be patient, but that i be lovingly patient, seeking what is best for that person.

in other words, next time something like this happens im going to say something.......cause confronting the issue in this case is better than letting it go. especially since il have the STA rules and regulations backing me up!

Tough Decisions

in the last few years of my life i feel i have had to make some tough choices. choices that would affect my life both short-term and long-term. my first choice to move to hesston for two years for school, moving over 600 miles from my home, family and friends.....moving away from comfort. another big decision i had to make recently was moving out here to Washington state to continue my schooling. twice as far as before. distance did not make this one difficult.....saying goodbye to my dad did. leaving someone in this case, who had a strong hold on my heart. i care for my dad and hate saying goodbye to him, simply because the fact that it could be the last time is so real.

but i have come to recognize time and time again, that all of this is part of life. we will continually have to say goodbye to people and places, and say no to the same. this was the case for me today. tonight is the kick-off for the sr. high Youth For Christ club night, in which i was asked to be a small group leader. i was overly excited about this leading up to today. but something in my spirit changed today in regards to this. for some reason i felt burdened like never before whenever i would think about YFC. then something came to mind. this was just Satan messing with me, discouraging me. but then something else came to mind.

a day or so ago i was talking to my mom on the phone about my "busy" life. between going to class, doing homework, helping with the youth at Journey Fellowship, and now looking for a job, i really did have a full plate. yet i did not want to believe this as usual and add YFC to the pile. i remember my mom talking to me about committing to more than i was really capable of handling. all of this came to mind as i wrestled with participating in YFC. i filled out the paper work.....i was asked by YFC before doing any of the paper work......wasnt this God saying "go for it!"? this is what i thought, being an optimistic person in this area.

but something inside me today as i wrestled with this YFC deal kept poking at me. you ever have a time in your life when God makes it clear that He does not want you to go a certain way or do a certain thing? iv had it happen before, when i wanted to be a pilot. that lesson stuck with me. well this time around, it was more personal. i heard God speak to my spirit this afternoon as i sat here in my room. He spoke very clearly, "not at this time".

so with that, with God speaking to my spirit and saying "not at this time", i called Harry (YFC ministry director) to inform him of my position. this choice was one of the hardest for me to make. to say no to serving in a ministry is never easy in my book, especially if your heart is truely in it, as mine is for YFC. as saddened by this decision as i am, i felt as if a huge burden was lifted from me once i hung up the phone. i pray that one day in the near future i would be granted the opportunity to serve with YFC........that God this time would speak to my spirit "yes, at this time".

Pants Belt 101

after my ride home on the bus today i felt compelled to do some studying. not like you are probably thinking, school and all.......but about belts. why do we have belts? is it strictly for fashion, to look "kool"? this is what i think todays culture has told us. and like stupid sheep who dont know how to take care of ourselves (also due to the culture and society i might add), the youth of today have bought into this idea that the belt is a piece of fashion and therefore has no practical usage.

WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so, let me introduce you to HOW TO PROPERLY USE A PANTS BELT 101 (aka, how to use a belt for idiots).

the purpose of the pants belt is to HOLD YOUR PANTS UP. you might want to repeat that to yourself several times. try recording it on tape and listen to it repeatedly while you sleep tonight.

here is what you want to do. go to the store and go to the belt section. find a belt and put it around your waist. when you buckle it, it should rest at or above your hip bone. NOT 6 INCHES BELOW IT!

news flash........most girls and women do not find your pants hanging at your knees or ankles attractive.......not to mention it makes me want to smack you for your stupidity. do not tell me it is comfortable, cause i dont buy it.

bottom line, the belt was made to hold your pants up, not make you look "kooler". if you want to look "kooler" go cut your hair. and ladies, if your "boyfriend" wears his pants like this, knock some sense into him! and i would also encourage you to stay away from anyone who wears their pants like that.

in closing, watch this video..........after all, who wants to be like this idiot?

quotes #1

so the quote section on facebook is dumb, and wont let me post all my favorite quotes. here i will be posting my favorites from the book "Our Legacy" by John Hannah. check back for more!

"The very community that historically has been deeply interested in transcendent, timeless truth seems intent upon focusing on the merely private, personal, and temporal. If I may be so blunt, the church has lost its soul."
- John Hannah in "Our Legacy"

"The evangelical church is on the brink of becoming another of the many social, do-good agencies whose purpose has to do with helping people to more fully enjoy this life while neglecting the implications of eternity."
- John Hannah in "Our Legacy"

"I say the church will live and flourish in the new era, as it has in every other, because its origins and power are not of this world but from heaven."
- John Hannah in "Our Legacy"

"Theology is made in history; it is the result of study of the revelation of God. It is a human endeavor by fallible people who engage all their intellectual strength and Spirit-inspired ability to understand an infallible book with the sure promise that the Spirit will lead us into 'all truth'."
- John Hannah in "Our Legacy"

"In essence, the Old Testament era is one of anticipation of the coming of the vaguely explained deliverer, shadows that gradually take on substance."
- John Hannah in "Our Legacy"

wake up call

today i took my first theology test......and unfortunately didnt do to well. but that is besides the point of this blog. but in preparation to taking this test i picked up the required text and started reading. it was only about 15 pages, so i got lucky since i waited till right before i took the test!(see the otter in me?)

anyway, the book is called "Our Legacy: The History Of Christian Doctrine" by John Hannah. i thought to myself, ok, just a few pages and an easy read (for real) according to my prof. so i opened up the book ready to engage my mind full force. but within reading the first page of the introduction i was ready to cry.

why you ask?

one main reason..........truth.

much of what Hannah says in these first few pages has been my heart for some time now regarding the Church today (and yes i mean big c Church). one thing Hannah says bluntly that i strongly agree with, is that "...the church has lost its soul."

see, the church has become this place you go to feel good. its all about making people feel good (aka Jesus loves you). and while i agree that Jesus loves people and we need to stress that, we stop there! as Hannah puts it "The evangelical church is on the brink of becoming another of the many social, do-good agencies whose purpose has to do with helping people to more fully enjoy this life while neglecting the implications of eternity."

you see it? its probly happening in your church this day. the church has jumped on board with the culture in becoming secular more and more as time goes on.


in this introduction Hannah states the reason for the writing of this book. he points out that the church does not put enough emphasis on the work of Christ and the implications of it, and rejecting it in favor of making everyone feel good. i would agree when he says "It is time for us to listen to the Scriptures for our message, not to the beckoning cry of a pleasure-inebriated culture." its like letting people who dont believe the Bible tell us what it says!

so here it is church.....lets get it together. there is more to the message of the Bible than feeling good. iv said it before, and i say it again. i see a time coming very soon, a time needed for some time now. i see a reformation on the doorsteps of the Church, and it is banging on the door. i pray that it will break down the door, and seek the fundamental elements of the Christian faith we have lost in our embrace of the culture. we need to "...rediscover the gospel, its glory, and its power."

may this become a reality one day very soon.

Everything Testifies

i got to my second class a little early today......like about 45 minutes early. it was nice out, kinda warm with an overcast sky and a slight breeze. in light of this, i thought it would be nice to lay down on the grass and just chill till my class started. i found a nice piece of green earth secluded from anyone else that might be walking around and closed my eyes.

i was instantly overcome with a sense of peace.......something in me was touched. i felt overcome and lead to praise God for what He has done. i thanked Him for where He had allowed me to be, in this awesome country that i love so much, surrounded by the mountains. i opened my eyes and looked up at the clouds passing by, and started noticing shapes in the clouds. the first i noticed was a hole in the clouds in the shape of a dog........and then, the shape of a heart.

this got me thinking. there is something inside everyone that points towards God. we either accept it and embrace it, or we deny it.

i started thinking about the conversation i had in my Genesis class about creation, and how everything points to God, all creation. so i wondered how could anyone deny His creation and His love for us? that heart shape in the clouds testified to me today that God loves me......He showed me through His creation.

you can see it every day. do you notice it?


im drawn to a passage in Scripture that describes this. paul wrote in the first chapter of the book of romans, "For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities - His eternal power and divine nature - have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse."


see, everything around us is screaming out to us. everything around us is pointing to one thing, one person. all of creation testifies of its maker, or its creator the Lord God Almighty........YHWH.

so where do you stand? today i was reminded of God's love for me. He shows me every day through His creation which surrounds me. it surrounds you to.

do you hear it screaming? do you see it pointing?

decieving our children

i got an email this afternoon from my grandma wagner that i thought was funny, and full of truth. whether it is real or not, i dont know. if it is, im sure some people were offended.......but they probly also deserved it.

the bottom line is this is the real world and we gotta suck it up and accept the consequences. now any one who knows me knows that iv been in this boat before. but as time continues to go on i am reminded that every action i make has reprucutions, good or bad. and i have to grow up, suck it up and accept them as my own. not blame it on others or technology or anything.

the funny thing is that we have been indoctrinated from the beginning with this "blame game" mentality. whatever happens isnt my fault.....im just the victim! funny. even funnier is when the parents back up the child! i thank God my parents made me face the consequences. it builds character. really. and not to mention other good things like responsibility and respect to name a few.

im also reminded of a country song i really like that talks about how things used to be growing up. one part in the song talkes about not making the team and how they would get down, but they all survived. it makes me sick now that our culture and society is so hell-bent on not stepping on any toes and doing all that we can to ensure a childs self-esteem is not hurt in any way. everyone is a winner and there are never any lossers!

what a joke!!!! i feel so sorry for those kids, cause when they get out in the real world itl be like death........."you mean to tell me everyone isnt a winner? some people loss?"


so, bottom line parents.......really prep your kids for the real world by exposing them to "safe" failure and allow them to learn from it. dont think you are going to prevent depression or suicide by sheltering them. if anything i would venture you are only making the possability of something like that more likely down the road.

anyways, check out this email i got.......and enjoy!

SCHOOL ANSWERING MACHINE
>> (This is hilarious - no wonder some people were
>> offended!)
>>
>> This is the message that the Pacific Palisades
>> High School ( California) staff voted unanimously
>> to record on their school telephone answering
>> machine. This is the actual answering machine
>> Message for the school. This came about because they
>> implemented a policy requiring students and parents
>> to be responsible for their children's absences and
>> missing homework. The school and teachers are being
>> sued by parents who want their children's failing
>> grades changed to passing grades - even though those
>> children were absent 15-30 times during the semester
>> and did not complete enough schoolwork to pass their
>> classes.
>> The outgoing message: "Hello! You have reached the automated answering
>> service of your school. In order to assist you in
>> connecting to the right staff member, please listen
>> to all the options before making a selection:
>> * To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1
>> * To make excuses for why your child did not do
>> his work- Press 2
>> * To complain about what we do - Press 3
>> * To swear at staff members - Press 4
>> * To ask why you didn't get information that was
>> already enclosed in your newsletter and several
>> flyers mailed to you - Press 5
>> * If you want us to raise your child - Press 6
>> * If you want to reach out and touch, slap or
>> hit someone -Press 7
>> * To request another teacher, for the third time
>> t his year -Press 8
>> * To complain about bus transportation - Press 9
>> * To complain about school lunches - Press 0
>> * If you realize this is the real world and your child must be
>> accountable and responsible for
>> his/her own behavior, class work, homework and
>> that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack
>> of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!
>> *If you want this in Spanish, you must be in the
>> wrong country.

Genesis.......more than just a book

i had my class titled Genesis today for the first time, and i can just tell it is going to rock. it is taught (or i should say, lead) by a local pastor who has been teaching for Moody - Spokane many years.

in this class today we talked about many things......but everything, no matter what it was always came back to the same begining...........Genesis 1:1 "In the beginning God created...".

think about that statement for a few. let your mind chew it......then chew it some more.


what do you think about that? do you buy it? do you hate it, not believe it?

you see, everything comes back to this statement here in scripture......a statement i take as fact.

how ever we respond to this piece of Scripture, defines how we will respond to everything else....both spiritual/religious and not.

ever wonder why Genesis is the first book in the Bible? the word "Genesis" means "origin"......so it would make sense that the first book be called "origin" and contain the story of the origin of all things.

now with that info (of which i learned today), what does Genesis 1:1 mean to you? do you believe the claim made by God, that He Himself created all things?

i find it interesting how all through out Scripture we also find references of creation crying out about the creator. so how can we deny it? Genesis is more than just a book. it is the foundation to everything, it is the origin. how do you respond to it?

following faithfully

i am now sitting on my new bed, in my new room, in my new house. my location? spokane, washington.....home of the gonzaga bulldogs. now, if you know anything about me your asking why would i be here......i dont like sports so its not gonzaga. well, your right.....God has blessed me with acceptance into Moody Bible Institute to continue and finish my education. but in order to study in chicago i have to do my first year here at their satellite campus.

so again, here i am. it has actually been very easy for me to adjust to this new place. i remember last year when i returned to hesston i felt so in place, overcome by a peace that could only be explained by God. yet here i feel it even greater.......making me certain that this is the place God wants me for this point in my life.

do i miss home? sure.....who wouldnt? i miss the people (well, most of them that is!), especially my students and partners in ministry, and the familiar.

i miss the familiar.

while here i will have to and have been using the bus system. its kinda scary at times. i have to step out of my comfort zone to do this. i am living with a family i never meet till i got here.....that was a big step for me.

these are only two examples of things i have had to adjust to. but every time i am reminded of someone who went out of their way for me. someone who stepped out of their box, out of their comfort zone for everyone who chooses to call Him friend and follow Him.

i think it is kinda funny how we think of Jesus as just this guy who died for us......really, i believe that most people think of Him as just an ordinary guy.....even a lot of those who claim to follow Him. but take a minute as i have found myself doing so often to reflect on His sacrifice.....reflect on how He stepped out of His comfort zone for us.........and died. and no, it wasnt some weak death. He was flogged with barbed whips, kicked, punched, mocked.......and hung upon a tree to die by suffication due to the weight of His own body. that is intense........and He did it all for us freely so we never have to.

so think about that........really, reflect on it for a while.

you know, after reflecting on this time and time again.....i find more motivation to willingly step out of my box, to be uncomfortable. you ever notice how God seems to grow us the most when we are uncomfortable???? i have, and i love it!

God knows exactly what is best for us.......will you let Him lead and willingly step out of your box???????