redemption refreshing

it is late. i haven't been here in a while, and iv been missing it. there is so much that has been going on.

a gap i sense is closing. one between me and a friend. but not just any friend, one who i need more than anything else. He is bigger than any support group, smarter and wiser than any wise man, more loving than a mother or father.

God.

Abba Father.

over the last month or so i have noticed a gap between me and Him growing. not by His doing, but mine. it has been said before, and i agree, that as Christians we are never standing still. we are either moving forward or backwards.

forwards, or backwards.

there is no middle ground, no "safe zone". this sucks. no breaks it seems, at least for me. yet, there is a break, so it seems. the rest we gain from being completely consumed in His love. perhaps this does not make perfect sense here, i apologize. if only you could step into my mind.

tonight was my second of training for camp, and at the end we had a time of worship. i noticed at one point the drummer wipe a tear from his face. there was a song we sang, and before we sang the words laid on the screen. i read them, and i thought of God, giant before the earth, standing in a void consumed with His light. and in His hand was eternity. the master of all things, creator of Heaven and earth, Lord over all. this is the God i serve, and the God my heart longs for.

a great God.

i think of His love, and how He still calls me back to His side despite my screw-ups.

never changing, never ending.
His light will shine when all else fails.

i think of the times as of late when it seems like i was walking alone, feeling abandoned. there were people there, loved ones by my side. but there is a place in all of us that no one but God can fill......and it felt void of something. but in reality, it was not void, but filled. my God never departed from my side, but i from His. i turned my back, and He sought after me to return to Him.

this is a God of love, a God who never changes, but is constant. a God of love, mercy and grace, but also of Holy wrath, jealous of what is His, righteous in all that He does.

i have fallen....many times. and i stand back up again. i turn to Him. and with a weeping heart i reach.

knowing, a loving hand will grasp mine.

another end with a new beginning

today marks my last time in the house i have been living in for the past 8 months or so. it was my last day to ride Spokane Transite, and the last time to walk these streets. at least for a while. i know il be back, because i really do love it here. i couldnt live here, but i could visit.

the family here has been a blessing and a curse (sorry, mainly a curse). but the friends i have made here will carry through a life time. the time i have had to spend with Chris and Cathy, and their boys Drew and Caleb are memories that will last a life time. being a part of their life for almost a year has been amazing!

i love the kids, i love Chris and Cathy. i cannot wait to come back out and see them again when they are older! and Journey Fellowship has been an amazingly encouraging family away from home to me. i will truely miss these things, and will hold onto the memories that have been made.

but with an end comes a new beginning. thus is the wonderful circle of life! monday afternoon i will be boarding a plane to leave Spokane, Washington and head home to Peoria, Illinois. there waiting for me will be my mother, and the most amazing woman in my life, Amanda. i cannot even begin to describe how excited i am to get off the plane and see her!!!!

this summer is going to be packed. tuesday, i head to Moody in Chi-town for the day, and start working at monicals again on thursday. then the next monday Amanda and i head for her house in Kansas for a little bit, with a side trip to John Brown University in Arkansas for her. then we head back home and camp all summer. i am excited for this summer, and looking forward to next school year.

it is weird, i hate school. but next year i will be home for the first time in my college career. being able to come home here and there easy is going to be a huge plus and motivator.

i will miss many things here. REI is just down the road, and back home it is up by Chi-town. i probly wont get mooned by a drunk guy on the bus back home, and i wont get to see the mountains every morning. i will miss my friends here, but this is not the true end. not yet. i have much ahead of me i believe, and i am excited for it. so, here is to the end of something great and a new beginning.