the next step

you know the old saying, God is good?

well, im here to tell ya this is very true. and by His grace, He has been good by granting us something good.

as many of you probably know by now, i made the decision by God's leading not to return to Moody this coming fall. it was a tough one to make, but i was blessed with a great deal of peace in the end. the first half of this summer i wrestled with being patient and jumping the gun in figuring out what i was going to do this coming fall. amanda and i had talked a great deal about getting married before school started, and perhaps me attending a university in arkansas.

but God had something else up his sleeve for us, something great.

we both felt lead to pursue marriage this august, and so we set out in prayer knowing that if this was God's desire for us, He would open the doors. after some thought and counsel regarding school, we felt lead to have me do a year of ICC, and stay in this area. this decision lead to the finding of a full-time, year round job.......an essential to any marriage (financially that is).

and this is where i get to say, God is good!!!
this past friday i recieved a phone call from the campus housing at ICC, informing me that they would like to offer me the position of Resident Director. it was the day we really needed to say either we go forward with the wedding, or call it off. and God showed up, throwing the door open for us. God has opened so many doors for us just within the last month, allowing things to fall right into place for a wedding next month. it is He we give the praise to, not man. it is by His grace that the job was offered to me. and it is by His grace that everything for the wedding has worked out!

i ask for your prayers as we both prepare for the actual wedding date, and for me as i also prepare for this new job. the environment will be vastly different from what i have experienced in the past. but my God is great, and where i am lacking He is sufficient.

it has begun

much has been happening in my life, as some already know. for those who have been out of the loop and want back in, click the image to the right and read on.....

overwhelming peace

well, another school year has come and gone, and there has been much happening in my life just over the last few days. i left Moody without saying much, and for that i apologize. for those who have not heard, i will not be returning next year to Moody. it was a last minute decision, but one that was prompted by God. mixed feelings come with it, though i am at great peace, despite not having a clue as to what is next. i have many doors open before me, including school, full-time employment, and even over-seas missions. i am not yet sure what God has in store for me concerning next school year, but i am patiently waiting to see, trying different doors and seeing which one God will leave open. i enjoyed my time with friends at Moody, and i want you all to know i will miss you a great deal. many of you i did not get to say goodbye to, and i hope to be back again to visit. through this last week though, i have been reminded of a great truth. when everything falls apart, all of your plans and ideas....God never does. He never leaves, He never changes. He is always there, waiting for you to come to Him. i have shared with some that i have never felt as helpless as i do right now. my funding for my ministry is below par, and i have no idea what i am going to do next school year. but in the midst of what many would find confusing and stressing, i have total peace. not one bit of stress is on my shoulders. and thanks be to God for that. He has provided more than i could have ever asked for, when it looks like i have nothing. i will be visiting some schools, and am considering looking into missions opportunities. i ask for your prayers as i continue to search God's direction at this point in my life. it is an exciting time, and i am thankful to have the ultimate guide leading me on.
philippians 4:6-7 is so true.

it rained today in the city. normally this upsets me, seeing nothing but concrete and then a gray sky dropping water all over me. but today was different. today, it brought a sense of peace and joy. it brought hope.

hope, that soon it will pass. storms come and go, they never stay. some might linger longer than others, but they eventually pass. sometimes they hide the end, like a cloud covering a mountain top....but i know it is still there. there is hope. and though the end i am walking towards seems dark; though the mountain top i climb towards seems non-existent, i know it is there. i cant do it on my own, no. i am to weak, to frail. i am often times blinded by emotion. everything within me says, just curl up in a ball and let it pass. but i cant. i want the light, and it is there.

i need help, i cannot do this on my own. my weakness holds me back, it tempts me to give up. but i cant. i must lean on the One who has been through the storm. the One who has made it, and is qualified to lead. this is where my hope lies. this is where strength surges to overcome my weakness. not my strength, but His. this is my hope. i know what lies behind the clouds in this storm, and it is glorious.

attitude check

iv been wanting to blog again for some time, but have found nothing pressed upon my heart to write. until this morning. normally things come to me in the shower, but this morning it was while i enjoyed my waffles and bacon with a cup of oj.

for the last several weeks i have been working on a lesson for one of my classes. i have been studying a passage in the book of Malachi, and it has been fascinating studying the historical and spiritual context of the people in this book. the main focus i am teaching on has to do with blessing and repentance, but something else came to mind as i sat and thought about the passage at breakfast this morning. something i will not be teaching on this time, so i thought a blog would be good.

my passage of choice is Malachi 3:6-18, and there is an interesting thing that we find in this passage that i believe shows us the hearts of the people. we find here God calling the people of Israel back to repentance, to fully rely on Him and follow the commands He has given them. in return, God promises to bless them incredibly (10b). now, these people have time and time again been called back to repentance and fallen away again. but here we find God calling the people out on specific sins, specifically tithing, and their speaking against God. lets look at the first situation:

7b"But you ask, 'How are we to return?'
8Will a man rob God? Yet you rob me.
But you ask, 'How do we rob you?'"

the people of Malachi's day were not new to this. they knew the commands of the LORD, and yet again they choose to disobey. and here we find God confronting them, calling them out in their sin. did you notice how they responded? as if they were in shock and have no idea what God is talking about. we see it again in the second situation:

13"You have said harsh things against me," says the LORD.
"Yet you ask, 'what have we said against you?'"

yet again we find them playing dumb. here i believe we see the hearts of the people. prideful, arrogant, and self-righteous people who denied and question God's accusations of their sin. i think of the times when i have and do sin still, and how do i act when i am confronted with it. do i play dumb? do i let my selfish pride and self-righteousness get in the way, and stop me from being humbled and repenting? sadly, i must say yes. i think many of us do. it is funny, at least for me, how i can look at the people of the Bible, and be so judgmental and condescending in my thoughts towards them. "wow, were they blind? that seems so easy! why couldn't they just do it???" and yet, i am no different than they were. i am just as sinful, and just as spiritually dumb a lot of the time. i am just as self-righteous and prideful and arrogant as the people of the Bible. and yet, we are called to be much more than that. or perhaps, it would be better put to say much less than that. to be humble. to be repentant.

it makes me think of the psalm of David after Nathan the prophet confronted him of his adulterous act with Bathsheba. in Psalm 51 he writes,

17The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.

we do not see this at first with the people in Malachi's day. their hearts were prideful and arrogant, full of self-righteousness. we are called to be as David was when his sin was found out; broken, humbled and repentant before the throne of God.

next time you are confronted with sin in your life, how will you react? will it be in a way similar to the Israelite's of Malachi's day? or will it be like that of David? and this isn't just with God directly, but with the people He places in our paths as well. what would it look like if the next time you get in an argument with your spouse, you went back to them and apologized? or when you make fun of that kid at school, you tell them you are sorry? what would it look like, what would it be like, if those were not just words that spilled out of our mouths as involuntary reactions, but were instead intentionally filled with humility, love and repentance? God wants more than empty words. He wants repentance, and obedience.

the simple five year plan: follow, wait, trust

i just got back from the morning session of founder's week for today. and i am mixed with a feeling of refreshing and humbleness. the first speaker, crawford loritts spoke from the Psalms of david. in particular Psalm 34. the message he brought forth was one of great need i believe, to my stubborn heart. Crawford spoke of david in a time of distress, when everything seemed to be falling down around him. and yet, he knew where to put his trust. he knew that even though all these things are falling down around him, God was still there. and this is where he needed to put his trust.

the second speaker was one greatly known in the Christian community. the creator of veggie tales, phil vischer. he told his story of how God used the event of losing his dream, Big Idea Productions, as a catalyst for getting him back on the right track. this hit me hard. the truth he brought forth with examples like the shunammite woman and elisha, and abraham sacrificing isaac. the truth? our main thing needs to be the main thing, and that is God. that we need to be willing to give up everything to God, trusting He knows best for us. there was this equation phil spoke about, that God + stuff = the same as God only. you see, we cant add anything to God, and we need nothing more than God alone. so why are we so fixed on our stuff? why do we cling so tightly to these dreams? we should be clinging instead to the Creator. phil ended by talking about noah, and how all he did was walk in righteousness before God. and you know what? God brought a great task for him to do. but noah didnt go looking for something great to do. instead he waited, and during that time of wait he followed God.

do we do that? or are we more concerned with where we will be five years down the road? when you are asked that question, is your answer like that phil offered? do you simply want to be in the Will of God? i know one thing about my future. God has something in store for me. what is it? i honestly dont know. and i am ok with that. in fact, i find a great deal of peace in not knowing. cause you see, if the Creator of dreams and ideas wants you to do something, He will tell you. He will show you. you dont have to go out searching.

you only have to follow and wait. hows that for a kicker?

the up-and-coming...

Click on the picture to expand for reading)


it has come to my attention that it has been some time since i have last blogged. and honestly, i am feeling a bit horrible about it. writing has become such a huge part of my life over the last few years, that to not do it for a length of time is like starving myself of food. i have so much i wish to write, but not enough time. i have been wrestling with several things i hope to share in the very near future. but for now, i wish to share what i am in the process of doing.

in this post i have included my support letter for my summer ministry. God has been gracious yet again in providing me with a ministry opportunity that is out of this world. how that has come to be, and what exactly, you will have to read the letter to find. in all, even when the sky's in life seem dark and rainy, i can attest that the LORD God is a good, gracious, and loving God. be on the look out for more to come!


p.s. - if you would like more information on what i will be up to, or how you can help me prepare for this summer and meet my goals, please contact me!

to follow

i decided about a week ago, to re-read the Gospels. i must admit, it has been some time since i had last spent solid time studying the life of Jesus. and so i have begun reading the Gospel of Matthew again, taking it slow and soaking it in. and for the last day or so i have been stuck on a part in chapter 4. i have read on, but i find myself coming back to this part over and over again.

it is the part where Jesus calls His first disciples. a part that honestly, i think often times i have just blown by. but something about it struck me this time. there seems to me something peculiar about the calling here. no, not so much the calling itself, but the response to it.

19"Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men." 20At once they left their nets and followed Him. 21Going on from there, He saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John. They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets. Jesus called them, 22and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed Him.

here we find Jesus walking up to some men, telling them to follow Him, and they just leave everything behind. something about this strikes me in a way i have no words for. these grown men, with businesses and equipment for the job, even a father, just get up and leave it all behind without a second thought. i remember hearing before something about the way Jesus called them. i had heard that it was an honor to be a disciple of a rabbi, a teacher. and that the way to be called into discipleship by one was for them to simply say, "follow me". this is exactly what Jesus did. now, Jesus is much more than a typical rabbi, He is the Son of God. He is not just a teacher, but the Creator.

and He called these men to go with Him, to follow Him and learn. and they got up and did so without a second thought. i think that feeling i mentioned earlier, the one without words, is conviction. conviction in my heart about following Jesus. i remember excepting the call to follow Jesus, but am i living up to it today? am i following Him in passionate pursuit without second thoughts? am i willing to leave my boat, even my father, behind to follow the King?

Peter, Andrew, James and John were. they left it all. at once. immediately.

there was no second thought in their decision. how about you? how about me? i know for me, it is something i honestly struggle with at times. Paul talks about the battle between the spirit and the flesh. what i know is right and true, and what i want out of my selfishness. do i really want to leave my boat? how about my father? my flesh, our flesh, wants to hold onto these things. yet my spirit says no, let them go and seek passionately after the King. it says, dont look back, dont rethink it. just go.

just follow.

the call the disciples received i dont think is much different from that of ours. we are called to follow, to learn and walk in the ways of Jesus, just as the disciples were. the question i must ask, that we must ask is this: are you willing to leave it all and follow Him?

would you leave it all behind to pursue the King?

plague of weeks

peace. it is something that many people in the world today desire. in fact, i think it is something many people would give a great deal for. i know peace is something i desire. but i desire something more than a world without war. cause lets face it, Scripture is clear there will be war on this earth till Christ returns. no, what i want more than that is a deeper peace. a peace that i dont really understand. i want the peace of God.

i have been stuck for several weeks now on a passage in Philippians, and it is just recently that i feel it is time to write of it. my thoughts have been on that of the future, as i am engaged now. it is interesting to me how a change in a relationship, big or small, can bring so many new thoughts. how, a change in status can bring new worries and fears, hopes and dreams. dont get me wrong, i am happy to be engaged, and am excited for the future. but with it comes decisions. this is where worry and fear can, and i think often does, creep in.

so in searching, God led me to Philippians 4. i must note that, it strikes me as funny how i have been thinking on this passage for weeks, and it was not until hearing a sermon on this very passage by my pastor this past Sunday, that i feel led to write on it. so here i am.

6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Paul on several occasions addresses the importance of not worrying; of instead, bringing our issues before God. and here we find Paul following this up with the topic of peace in doing so. but, there is something here, in the way in which we present our requests, that we should do well in taking note. Paul instructs us to do so with thanksgiving. in other words, with a thankful, joyful attitude and mind-set. not one of grumbling and anger. how convicting, and yet comforting. my pastor pointed out that it is impossible to have the peace of God without a joyful, thankful spirit about us first. you cannot have peace with God before having a thankful spirit.

Paul tells us this in more than just words, but also in the way he constructs his point. he first commands us to be thankful in our requests, and THEN tells us about the peace of God. but i think there is more to this than just learning to have a thankful spirit and finding the peace of God. i believe there is more to learn here about the benefits of finding peace in God.

look at how Paul describes this peace towards the end of verse 7. he says "...which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." i believe that when satan attacks, he more times than not targets our minds and hearts. more so than our flesh, it is the hearts and minds of people, God's children and not, that he strikes. i know this is true of me. when satan gets a foothold in my mind or heart, it only makes it easier for him to gain one with my flesh. it is because of this that what Paul says here is so significant to me.

this peace that i dont understand, this peace that is of God, guards me in the ways i need it most. it guards my most vulnerable parts of my being. and it does so in the One who conquered the attacker for all eternity. one note i read of this passage likens it to a sentry standing guard. one in a defensive stance. a "protective custody". this is the peace i desire, and it is of God. nothing else. this is a peace that the world cannot provide. it is not a peace that anything we buy can bring us.

i dont know about you, but that is the kind of peace i want. though i am residing in this world of chaos for now, it is comforting to me that i can find peace at all times, and in any situation. we all face choices each day. we all have to make decisions. some are bigger than others. but either way, satan uses those times to strike us the most with worry, fear and doubt. we are commended to take these things to God with thanksgiving. and it is then that we find peace.

but not just any peace.
a peace that honestly, i just dont get.

and i like that.

conquering the tempter

i decided to start reading Matthew tonight. in all honesty, i have really slacked off on my devotional reading, and i have been feeling it. and tonight i found myself stopped on a passage i have dwelt on before, yet with no real spiritual gain. just more of a "huh, thats really interesting". but tonight i believe i got more out of it than just that.

the temptation of Jesus has always fascinated me. the idea that the King of kings, the Lord of lords would be tempted kind of blows me away. i have to wonder what satan was really thinking. did he really think he might succeed? its in Matthew 4, you should check it out. i mean honestly, the third temptation i often want to laugh. satan, tempting the Creator with His creation. funny.

but two things hit me tonight. something i think we should all ponder. the first, has to do with when we are tempted. i know for me i am most easily tempted when i am tired. i believe it is when we are at our weakest point that we are most easily conquered. did you notice how satan doesnt try his tricks until Jesus had been wandering around for 40 days? it is not until He is hungry and weak that satan launches his attack. how true is this for us? more than that, look at the boldness of satan in his attack. iv often seen, and honestly at times fight it within myself, this attitude of invincibility. we get this idea that it wont happen to us. but let us remember that we are not dealing with an enemy who is incompetent. he is sly, and he is bold. if satan is bold enough to tempt the Creator of the universe, should we not also expect him to tempt us?

Jesus though, was victorious. i mean, we are talking about God in the flesh, He created satan before he fell. i think Jesus models for us here a way to handle temptation. often i believe we try to deal with it on our own. at least i do. we get this idea that we just need to be stronger, we just need to fight a little harder. but all i have found down that path is more pain and more guilt. there is no victory. Jesus knows this, and so He responds with God's Word. He quotes Scripture to satan, refuting his temptations and offers one at a time. Jesus, when weak and tired, conquered temptation not by His own power, but by that of the Word of God. can you comprehend that? Jesus, who has all the power ever, chooses to not use it. instead, He fires back with the Word of God, penned by the prophets of the LORD!!! what an example for us!

satan tries every day to tempt God's children. often times i think he wins. i know in my life, he has gained more footholds than i want him to have, and it is always due to my poor response. temptation will always be present in this world. it is something we must learn to deal with effectively if we desire to walk in the footsteps of Christ. and like many other things, He provides for us an example we should take notice of, and put into practice.

of minimal importance

i decided to not go to church this morning. and you know what? i feel great about it. dont get me wrong, i love church. i love being able to see people and worship corporately. but i just did not want that this morning. i wanted to worship, but alone. that is something i dont get much of anymore. i live in the city, i have a roommate, im always busy it seems. it is like the idea of worshiping God alone, just me and Him, has taken a back seat in importance. it is of minimal importance in today's church it seems. if you just decide to skip church and worship at home instead, you might be equated as a pagan. i know a guy who one sunday went fishing instead of church. he went by himself. i dont blame him. i love to fish, and i love being in God's creation. and what an opportunity to witness to others outside the church!

see, i think we have this mindset that church, that worship, only takes place inside the walls of the building that is on a plot of land. it is funny you know, cause Israel put God in a box like that once too. and you know what happened???? He sent them into exile to teach them a valuable lesson.....God cannot be confined! worship, likewise, cannot be confined.

God is just as pleased with me worshiping this morning in my room as He is with me worshiping in another building.

perhaps we as the body of Christ need to rethink this whole "never miss a sunday" mentality. perhaps we need to reevaluate the importance of worshiping God in secret, alone, just Him and you. in today's world where business and socializing to the extreme is praised, perhaps we should back up and take a break. now, im not advocating this for every sunday, or even every other sunday. but i think we should rethink this mentality i mentioned before.

God is not impressed that you make it to church every sunday. just like going to church doesnt make you a christian, i would be very careful to say going to church every sunday makes you a BETTER christian. God wants the heart more than the body. it is easy to show up in the pew, but leave your heart elsewhere.

i challenge you to rethink this mentality of "never miss a sunday". perhaps you are like me, and you need a break. perhaps you are like me, and this idea of individual worship is not of minimal importance in the end, but is instead of great importance.

if it is, i further challenge you to take a real sabbath. ask someone to hold you to it, and the next week ask what you learned in your time of worship. dont take it as a vacation per say, but a time of individual worship, to reconnect with God. if that is through fishing, go fish. if it is through climbing a mountain, go for it. if it is just sitting in a chair with some coffee and your Bible, get comfy.

above all else though, seek God. seek Him with your heart, mind and body. for this is true worship, honoring God in all ways.

all the cards on the table

*****before i begin this blog, i want to make one thing clear. I AM NOT RACIST. i am simply stating what i see, as i see it. this is NOT a hate blog, or anything of the type against black people or white people. it is simply my observations of election results in light of some things that have been said by several people across the nation. i am also NOT saying one candidate is better than the other in this blog.*****

i have been thinking about something since election night last week. and since then there has been a lot of things happen that point towards the conclusion i have arrived at. the race card has been pulled out many times this election, mainly from the black population and the Obama party, and thrust at the white population and the McCain party. and quite frankly, i am really sick of it. i am sick of it mainly because i see a lot of evidence pointing towards the opposite. and i think it is time people face the truth.

what started this after hearing the race card pulled out, was a poll shown on www.msnbc.com election night, that showed some 96% of all black voters voted for Obama. this made me scratch my head. you see, all leading up to the election it had been believed that all the white people would vote for McCain, and that would be racist. and yet, polls show that many white people actually voted for Obama, right along with the extremely high percentage of black people.

the next piece was an audio clip done by the Howard Stern Show (of which i do not support, but we cannot overlook evidence). one of their reporters went out to Harlem and asked black people who they voted for. upon them saying Obama, the reporter than asked them what they thought of Obama's policies, but in reality was attributing McCain's policies to Obama. every person they asked agreed with the policies stated and attributed to Obama, including VP candidate Sarah Palin (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCipmnYCKB0). unfortunately they found a black man who voted for McCain, and they pulled the same thing with him and got identical results. i point this out (both sides) to say this, many people voted without a clue as to what the candidate stood for. you cannot honestly sit here and tell me that 96% of black voters voted for Obama simply because of where he stood on the issues. i dont buy it. it seems clear to me that race had a large part in this.

unfortunately, no one in the media has the guts to address this. so i will probably be labeled a racist with anyone else who points this out. and this brings me to the last straw for me. yesterday the Chicago Tribune had an article that was for black men who wanted to follow in Obama's footsteps. now, lets be honest. if a white person wrote something like this in relation to McCain, it would be labeled racist. but is this really all that different? honestly, racism flies on both sides of the table. i have to be honest and say, i see a lot of racism on the side of black people with this election. i do not say that out of hatred, but frustration. is it on the white side? YEAH! i admit that. you cannot tell me that all the people in the south voted for McCain simply because of where he stands on issues. i dont buy that either!

the point is, racism is evident on both sides, yet it is always the white people who get accused of it. and i am disgusted by that. it is time people face the truth, and we all start to change for the better. blacks and whites. i come from a family who on one side is racist, unfortunately. i have grown up around it my entire life. and it is by the grace of God that i have been able to not follow that path of hatred based on a few genetic differences. but people, lets not be blind. this election, race had a lot to do with it despite what we heard before hand. it makes me wonder, what would it have been like if McCain was black, and Obama white?

*****now, to those who think i am being mean: i love you. again, i am no way stating that one candidate is better than the other. i am a firm believer in Romans 13, and will support the leadership position given to Obama and be respectful of him. to those whom this makes upset, or those who think i am picking on black people, stop right there. if things would be completely opposite, i would have written the same thing against the white population. truth is not based on color or situations. truth is truth regardless.******