it has been just over one year and two months since amanda and i were married. it has been a rough year with many obsticals, surprises and everything between. but in the end we have grown closer together, and our love has grown deeper. as i process some of those events and trials, i plan to write more. but for now i want to meditate on a verse i read again today.
1What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?
i read this in James 4 this evening, and i could not help but think of my marriage. i have encountered many people over the last year, whether it be by their words or just through interactions with them, that seem to think amanda and i have things all figured out. and as much as i would love to say yes we do, there is so much more we have to learn.
there is so much more i have to learn.
that we do not fight and bicker in public does not mean that this does not take place at times within our home. it does. pastor hauter told us that conflict is inevitable, combat is optional. how we react to the conflicts we face every day is up to us. we make the choices and have to live with the consequences. and how often do we fight because of the desires within us?
how often is it because of selfishness on our part?
it hurts and yet is relieving to say, much of what i argue about and get upset over is rooted in selfishness. i struggle with placing my wife over my own desires. i struggle with loving her more than myself. i struggle with laying my passions and desires, wants and needs, my selfishness aside and instead place hers at the top of my priorities.
and this is a problem. a BIG problem. this selfishness is completely contradictory to what i am commanded to do. Paul commands husbands to "...love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself" (Ephesians 5:25-28). to love my wife as i am supposed to i must put aside my selfishness.
and that is not easy. temptation in every form creeps up quickly, Satan is sly in his tactics. But he is no match for God! Jesus told His disciples that with God, all things are possible (Matthew 19:26). we, as man, are wicked sinners incapable of pleasing God, let alone fixing our own problem. and that is a hard pill to swallow. i am a fixer, just ask my wife. and it kills me when i cannot fix something. but that is the truth. no matter how hard we try, completeness is unattainable on our own. apart from God, nothing can be made right. and apart from God, our passions and desires cannot be overcome.
it is He who holds the power. it is by His spirit in His children we become conquerors. and it is by His Son, the Christ Jesus, that we can have that Spirit of God. It is mercy and grace that allows us to be made humble and accept Christ as the King of our life. and it is by those means also that as His children, we can overcome our selfishness and love our wife as she should be.
