Tough Decisions

in the last few years of my life i feel i have had to make some tough choices. choices that would affect my life both short-term and long-term. my first choice to move to hesston for two years for school, moving over 600 miles from my home, family and friends.....moving away from comfort. another big decision i had to make recently was moving out here to Washington state to continue my schooling. twice as far as before. distance did not make this one difficult.....saying goodbye to my dad did. leaving someone in this case, who had a strong hold on my heart. i care for my dad and hate saying goodbye to him, simply because the fact that it could be the last time is so real.

but i have come to recognize time and time again, that all of this is part of life. we will continually have to say goodbye to people and places, and say no to the same. this was the case for me today. tonight is the kick-off for the sr. high Youth For Christ club night, in which i was asked to be a small group leader. i was overly excited about this leading up to today. but something in my spirit changed today in regards to this. for some reason i felt burdened like never before whenever i would think about YFC. then something came to mind. this was just Satan messing with me, discouraging me. but then something else came to mind.

a day or so ago i was talking to my mom on the phone about my "busy" life. between going to class, doing homework, helping with the youth at Journey Fellowship, and now looking for a job, i really did have a full plate. yet i did not want to believe this as usual and add YFC to the pile. i remember my mom talking to me about committing to more than i was really capable of handling. all of this came to mind as i wrestled with participating in YFC. i filled out the paper work.....i was asked by YFC before doing any of the paper work......wasnt this God saying "go for it!"? this is what i thought, being an optimistic person in this area.

but something inside me today as i wrestled with this YFC deal kept poking at me. you ever have a time in your life when God makes it clear that He does not want you to go a certain way or do a certain thing? iv had it happen before, when i wanted to be a pilot. that lesson stuck with me. well this time around, it was more personal. i heard God speak to my spirit this afternoon as i sat here in my room. He spoke very clearly, "not at this time".

so with that, with God speaking to my spirit and saying "not at this time", i called Harry (YFC ministry director) to inform him of my position. this choice was one of the hardest for me to make. to say no to serving in a ministry is never easy in my book, especially if your heart is truely in it, as mine is for YFC. as saddened by this decision as i am, i felt as if a huge burden was lifted from me once i hung up the phone. i pray that one day in the near future i would be granted the opportunity to serve with YFC........that God this time would speak to my spirit "yes, at this time".