Meaning, Truth, Survival

This afternoon was a time of stirring in my heart. I had a few things on my mind, but something in me was stirring. My dreams came to mind, of which I have spent much time thinking, praying and discussing about with friend. After this mornings church service, I just hung out in the sanctuary, to “think”. After several people came up and asked if I was ok and gave me hugs, everyone left the church. Everyone, but me and God. In the dark. I sat in there for a good hour I think. I cried, yelled, begged, all in prayer. Seeking answers. Seeking direction. Begging God to knock me out of the way and take over everything. And in all of this, asking God to speak to me, to whisper…I heard Him. I believe now, with all of my heart that, my dreams were not just dreams. No, they were more than that. They were God speaking to me. Of His power, His strength. Of a battle that is to take place in my life, of which my strength and power is no match. I believe I will face a battle, one where I will be forced to rely on nothing but the power and strength of God the Father Himself. I continue to seek when, and for what this battle will take place.

Before church this morning, I sat in my pew. I thought. I thought about truth. The Truth. I am passionately seeking it, for this is what I believe I am in part called to do. For the Truth is vital to life, our eternal life. That Truth is in Christ Jesus. This is our call, to seek after Him with all of our heart. And to do so passionately, with all that is in our whole being. I talked with God this afternoon of this as well. And my heart heard, nothing but the hand of God Himself can stop me from seeking the Truth. No power in Heaven, Hell, or on earth save the Father Himself can stop me. I will not accept anything short of Truth, and will fight with all that is in me against that which is not Truth. For this is my heart. This is my calling. To pursue Truth, to seek it out and grasp onto it with all that is in me.

Guidance. I need it. I lack it. Guide me Father. Grant me wisdom, knowledge of your Will for my life. That I am called I know, but I seek to know where. Even now tears come as I think of my cries today. I am weak. And now, more than ever, I need strength that does not fail. It sounds so trivial, yet it comes from within my heart, welling up from my very being. A desire, but more than this….a need, vital to my existence. I am weak. I sense a great storm approaching. Yet, deep within I feel a peace that I cannot supply on my own. I am still moved to tears, though not by fear, but by the grace and mercy poured out on me continually, despite how much I screw up.

Oh, dear coworker

i just got home from work. and i must say, i generally enjoy working where i do. i like my bosses, and most of my coworkers.

BUT.

what i hate:
people who don't do their jobs. now, i am in no way saying i am perfect and do my job the best all the time, or even close. but i do what is asked of me without griping.

so i have come to this very short conclusion. you were hired to work. not stand around like idiots and just talk. do that on your own time, not the company's. if you don't like your job, quit. trust me, you'll be making more people happy than not.

i think of a girl a few years back, who asked if she could do a "half-a** job".........to a manager i might add. please, why do some people have to be so stupid???? the work ethic has dropped so much it makes me sick!

as much as i love my bosses, i must say this:
thank God i am done in a week or so.

Let Us Hear

It is Christmas eve, and bitter cold outside. Perfect for a central Illinois Christmas. But my mind is not on the weather, it is not on trees and ornaments, presents, or family and friends. My mind is instead on a thought sparked by the movie The Polar Express. This is perhaps my favorite movie of all times. I grew up reading the book and shaking a bell. But the thought left with me is due to the end of the movie, much as it is in the book. The children hear the bell, while the parents cannot and thus think it is broken.

In the story, being able to hear the bells was based on the individuals belief that Christmas was real. But I think there is a deeper, spiritual meaning here rather than believing in Santa, elves, etc. I remember watching the end of the movie and fighting back tears. Something in my heart stirred. How many people go through this celebration of Christmas, and miss the sound of the bells because they do not believe? I see obsession with gifts, family and friends, food, etc. at an unhealthy level. They are great in moderation, but the reason for this time is much greater than any earthly thing.

I think of when Jesus spoke to His disciples about having the faith of a child. So often they are naive, willing to follow without question. Jesus has called us to have the faith of a child, to follow Him whole heartedly without hesitation. Not that we should not study and learn, but to be willing, trusting.

Let us this Christmas, be like the children in the story, the children whom Jesus speaks of to us. Let us believe with all of our hearts. Let us hear the bells.

contradictory?

i noticed something this evening. i was browsing on facebook and stumbled upon a profile. within this profile were two things, or applications as facebook so eloquently describes them. one, a "daily Bible verse" deal. the second, a "horoscope" deal.

now, someone please correct me if i am wrong but, is it not somewhat if not completely contradictory to have these two applications?


anyway, another thing that has been bugging me. the last week while driving i have heard this ad on the radio for cosmetics (or so it sounded to me). the ad makes it sound like you can by good looks. they box it up for you to buy.this got me thinking about how much we put stock in physical image. i mean sure, i believe God wants us to take care of our body, to look our best. but, we are a beautiful creation already, made in His image. that is powerful. so why do we become obsessed with our image? why do we think we have to be muscular, or a size whatever? is this really how God has created us to be?

i hope you enjoyed this rather random rant. random has been fairly prevalent in my life lately.....thanx amanda, lol.

power in dreams

i had another dream. much has been on my mind concerning dreams since talking with a friend about one i wrote about previously. i truly believe there is power in dreams, that God speaks to us in a great way through them. we see this all throughout Scripture.

my dream took place while i slept in my bed here at home. and this is where i was at in the dream. i have a large amount of (illegal) fireworks sitting next to my bed (all of this is real, and is a stockpile for the 4th). but in my dream i was awoken to 3 people entering my room. and as i sat up in bed, these three people brought in more and more fireworks and just added them to the pile of what i already had. i remember one face in particular, as i saw he was smiling as he did what he did. i know there is meaning in this dream, as i see a connection between it and the other one i had. i seek now to further understand their meaning, and the impact on my life it will and should have on my life.

God is uncontainable. here, in dreams, i see more of His power in my life. let us never put Him in a box.

about love

the following are some of my loosely structured thoughts in regards to what love is. they are thoughts, ideas, recorded for myself and others to ponder and reflect on. some is concrete for me, other things are not but are forming. may you feel free to read, ponder, reflect on love.

To say we love without any action to signify it, is just empty words. Much as James tells us faith without deeds is dead. We have taken something precious and pure, and have twisted, warped and stripped it down to nothing but perversion, emotion, and simply just a word. Empty. But what is love? This is the question I hear asked often. Not in so many words, until recently. What does it mean to love, what is it? Such a simple word when we look at it, but I believe it holds a great deal of meaning. There is great power in love, if only we embrace it, except it. It is meant to be pure, for that is how it was demonstrated. So what is it?

I think…no, I believe, love is more than a word. And even I fail at treating it as such, saying things like “I love hoodies”. But to love is to sacrifice. More than this, it is to do so selflessly, not expecting anything in return. It is not selfish. I would not sacrifice myself for my hoodie, no matter how much I may say I love it.

It is pure, as demonstrated for us by Christ.

I believe it is tied to emotion, but it is not purely emotion. It is emotion driven action, much like other things in our lives. To love is to care so deeply for or about someone or something that you give of yourself expecting nothing in return. I love the DC Talk song, Love Is A Verb. I love it because it drives this point home, that to love is to act. It is not just a word or emotion, but action.

Love is like faith. Show me your faith by what you do. And in the same way, show me your love by what you do. Jesus tells us that the man who losses his life will find it. To love, I truly believe is to give of yourself sacrificially for another selflessly. Could this be an idea Jesus was alluding to when He spoke those words?

time

have you ever had a time were you feel drained? as if all that is in you has gone. tonight has been one of those times, even as i type this. i feel tired, cranky....i have no desire to do anything and yet i want to do something. i cant make my mind up if i should go to bed, or waste more time staring at a computer screen.

and so here i am, typing this now. i am still up, still tired. this break has been an interesting one thus far. between work, hanging with students from this summer, feeling unwelcome for the most part at certain places, and vegging at home. i have noticed something tonight as i sit here. something that is pointed out to me every time i am home and acknowledge, yet have not really accepted it till now. the fact that when i am home, i am never home. i am always going, always doing something, always with someone or going to meet them.

i complain about how busy this world is we live in, yet my life reflects it just as much as the next person. it is almost like i have this subconscious idea that if i am not busy, if i am not running around doing something all the time, something is wrong.

this bugs me. and i see its destructive power in that, as i sit here not doing anything i almost feel lonely. i think of Solomon's words in Ecclesiastes, where he says "Therefore stand in awe of God." honestly, i feel that it has been a good long time since i have done this, and that must change. not just because i need to, but because i want to. not just out of obedience, but desire.

i need to slow down. i need to take some time to really seek God. more than need, i want to. i am sick of always feeling like i need to run, feeling like if i am not doing something there is something wrong with me. i have let this ideal of society creep into my life, and i hate it. i want to seek God, and make doing so a priority yet again. John Piper has said life is but a vapor, and i believe it. why waste it running around aimlessly, trying to be happy in doing so? rather, i wish to stand in awe more.

the "one thing"

there is one thing in our life that effects every other part. this is something i have come to believe in my heart, from my own personal walk and watching those of others. i believe, without a shadow of a doubt that the existence of, and the health of our relationship with Christ effects all that we do. it effects how we live our lives, how we view ourselves and others.

over the last few weeks i have had the opportunity to talk with several students about an array of topics, but they all came to this point. what does your relationship with Christ look like? is it healthy?

see, we have this way of messing things up. we get our lives, our agendas and priorities in the middle, and try to shape Christ around them. Jesus should be at the center of our lives, should be the very core of us as followers. i am convinced that when Jesus is the center of our lives, all else falls into place. not that this is a cure all, for Jesus was clear life following Him would be tough, even suck at times. but what is better than having the one who died for you, the only one who can restore communion between us and the Father, at the very core of our lives?

join me in catching ourselves, join me in switching spots. join me in giving Jesus the reigns, in putting our agendas aside and letting Him take center stage. for this is how it should be.

The Truth Behind Pain

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed.
As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation.
They talked about so many things and various subjects.
When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said:
"I don't believe that God exists."

"Why do you say that?" asked the customer.

"Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist.
Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people?
Would there be abandoned children?
If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain.
I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things."

The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start a argument. The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop.

Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard.
He looked dirty and unkempt. The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber:
"You know what? Barbers do not exist."
"How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber.
"I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!"
"No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside."

"Ah, but barbers DO exist! That's what happens when people do not come to me."
"Exactly!" affirmed the customer. "That's the point! God, too, DOES exist!
That's what happens when people do not go to Him and don't look to Him for help.
That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."

how often do we think this way, like the barber? how often do we think in a time of hurt and pain, that God is non-existent? the He is not there, or doesn't care?

in my time of ministry, and my time as a professing Christian, i have been asked many times why a loving God would allow such bad, hurtful and destructive situations happen in our lives. i mean, He is a God who loves, so why would He allow it? for the longest time to be honest i didn't have an answer. in my mind, it was God and He could do whatever He wanted, because He knows what is best for us. now, i still believe this, but i think there is more to it.

i think there is a good point made in this little story. i have noticed in my life, that often when i start to drift from God, my life gets screwed up. i am in pain, i get depressed, lonely, etc. the truth is i am not alone, but it is because i allow sin to take control of my life, I cut myself off from God. the story talks about coming to God, or a lack of it that causes pain. i agree, but i think there is more to it.

see, i believe God knows what is best for me. and i believe that as a follower, i should be continually growing. there is not a neutral position, you are either growing closer or farther or or from God. i have noticed in my life, that it is in the times of pain and hurt that i grow the most, that God uses those times to open my eyes to see the real me and convict me in such a powerful way, that to say no is to kill myself. i believe God allows these times to come upon us because it is what is best for us. when God strips away all my dependence on people and stuff, and i am naked. but He is there.

God is not non-existent as the barber claimed. He is there, and He is full of love and mercy and grace and forgiveness. sometimes we need to get our act together and seek Him, other times we need to except the times of pain and grow, let God strip us naked and expose our faults, and then repent.

next time you are in pain, examine your relationship. either way, we should be seeking God above all else, and before anything else when we are in pain and suffering. seek, have faith.....He is there.

More About Daniel

something is stirring inside me, and i cannot put my finger on it to save me. i have had so many theological discussions in the last few days, i feel like i could write several lengthy papers on a few subjects.

last night before bed, i started to go through the book of Daniel yet again and mark where reference to his character is made. the more i read this book, the deeper i dive, and the farther i swim the more and more i want to be like Daniel. i want the faith he had, i want the character he had. i have decided that my first sermon i ever have the chance to do will be about Daniel.

i mean, King Neb said there was none equal to him. a king said this! something i noticed he had that i strongly desire is "wisdom and tact". how i desire more of this.

but still, i am drawn to his faith. and we see it in more than just the lions den. we see it in his request to not eat of the royal food, when he approached the king about his dream when he was being searched out to be killed, again when he tells king Neb about his second dream (which wasn't the best of news), and when he interprets the vision of king Belshazzar.

so often, at least for me, when we think of Daniel we only think of the lions den. but by doing so i think we rob ourselves. there is so much more in these other stories of Daniel's life, and we can learn so much from them. more about faith, more about character.

i have a feeling i will be stuck on this book for a long time. but that is ok. i desire to grab all i can out of it, wrestle with it, and apply it. i invite you as always, to join me for the swim.

Daniel and Faith

i had to write a paper today for one of my classes, on a part of scripture from a section of the Old Testament that we are covering now. because of my interest and current study of, i picked a passage out of the book of Daniel.

the story of Daniel in the lion's den begins in chapter 6, and has been one that has always fascinated me since i can remember. i have been drawn to this book, to this man because i see something in him i desire; many things to be honest. i find it humorous what brought me to the decision to study it to, a simple song by FFH that sparked my heart.

but in this part of Daniel's story i see something very clear. i see a faith so strong, nothing can knock it down. pull it out and read.

we first get a glimpse of Daniel's character, and how distinguished it was. i mean check it out, when those administrators tried to find a fault in him, they got nothing! this guy was solid as a rock, "...trustworthy and neither corrupt nor negligent." because of this, these administrators and satraps who were out to get Daniel, had to target what he was good at. they had to target at something he was reliable for and consistent in. they had to target his faith.


now notice what they do. they go to the king as a group, but without Daniel. Daniel is not aware of their actions or their plans. they convince the king to sign into law a decree that can not be overturned, declaring death by the lions den for anyone who prays to any other god besides the king for the next 30 days. yet they tell the king they all have agreed upon this. i think this lie of theirs (because Daniel did not know, not all had agreed) says something more about Daniel's character. they had to go to the point of lying to catch Daniel.

when Daniel hears of this news, he continues to stay faithful and pray upon his roof facing Jerusalem. i stop at this point in the story for now. cause this is where his faith becomes so evident. see, Daniel was so strong in his convictions, beliefs and faith, that not even the threat of death shook him. he knew the consequences of his actions, no doubt. but he knew in his heart what he should do.

i wonder how often we get intimidated by danger, consequences and such. how often do we allow fear to creep in and shut us down. how often do we allow our faith to hide because we don't want to be made fun of at school or work. compare these situations to that of Daniel's . they don't compare, not even close. Daniel was thrown into a den of lions for holding to his faith. and thee were not nice lions, they had been starved for days before seeing Daniel. he knew that, yet he remained faithful, and he fleshed it out.

see, it is easy to say we are faithful, like many things. but do we flesh it out as we see Daniel did? i desire a faith that stands the test, that looks death in the face and screams, you will not shake me. i want a faith so strong that nothing in heaven or hell, no power can shake it but God himself. this is what i see in Daniel.

this is what i want, rock solid, unshakable faith. i want to be like Daniel.

i want it back

Twas the month before Christmas
When all through our land,
Not a Christian was praying
Nor taking a stand.
Why the Politically Correct Police had taken away,
The reason for Christmas - no one could say.
The children were told by their schools not to sing,
About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things.
It might hurt people's feelings, the teachers would say
December 25th is just a ' Holiday '.
Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks and credit
Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it!
CDs from Madonna, an X BOX, an I-pod
Something was changing, something quite odd!
Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa
In hopes to sell books by Franken & Fonda.
As Targets were hanging t heir trees upside down
At Lowe's the word Christmas - was no where to be found.
At K-Mart and Staples and Penny's and Sears
You won't hear the word Christmas; it won't touch your ears.
Inclusive, sensitive, Di-ver-si-ty
Are words that were used to intimidate me.
Now Daschle, Now Darden, Now Sharpton, Wolf Blitzen
On Boxer, on Rather, on Kerry, on Clinton!
At the top of the Senate, there arose such a clatter
To eliminate Jesus, in all public matter.
And we spoke not a word, as they took away our faith
Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace.
The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and discarded
The reason for the season, stopped before it started.
So as you celebrate 'Winter Break' under your 'Dream Tree'
Sipping your Starbucks, listen to me.
Choose your words carefully, choose what you say

Shout
MERRY CHRISTMAS,
not Happy Holiday!


i want my CHRISTMAS back.