The Fall of Trust

Every day at the bus plaza, I go up the escalator. And between the up and down one, is a water fall, and the water runs down a face of rock, following its predestined path by the shape of the rock laid before it.

I have passed by this for almost seven months now, without batting an eye. But something happened today that made me look at it differently, that really made me notice the significance of what was happening.

Chapel, today at school. Our guest speaker was a local pastor. I knew I would like him right off the bat...he was wearing a green dress shirt. My kind of guy. Not that I base my like or dislike of a person based on their choice of clothing, but this time I was right on. He spoke boldly the message of the Gospel, and he pointed something out that really convicted me.

It is none of your business figuring out what you are supposed to do with your life, it is God’s.

Wow. This hurt. Why? It finally clicked in my head, for the last several weeks I have been trying to do everything on my own. Amanda said something to me last night that now comes back to mind, and I think what I told her was wrong. She asked me if my confidence was really in God, or if I was just using Him as a shield.

I have to admit, He has been a shield for me to hide behind for some time as of late. I have been trying so hard to figure things out on my own, saying I am trusting God…..and I have nothing to show for it. I have nothing I can turn back to and say to myself, “yeah I let God handle that because I wanted to”.

So here I am, finally feeling like my eyes have been opened again. the crust has been broken, and swept away. I am sick of feeling like this, being a pew sitter in my Spiritual life. The sad thing is, from what I can tell, I have worn a well fabricated mask around most people. but I don’t want that anymore. I want to be who I was created to be, a servant and lover of the one true God. I don’t want to decide what to do with my life anymore. I want to be like the water that flows down the fall in the bus plaza, and follow the predestined outline....but the kool part about mine is that I don’t have a clue what it is!!! Only God in all His sovereignty does. It comes down to trust. Something I have wrestled with for some time now behind closed doors. Trusting He will really provide, that He will really lead and guide me. And coming to the realization that it is not about me at all. It is about God, and His glory. I am only a vessel. I am only the branch that bears the fruit produced by the vine.

It is time for me to yield myself fully, to trust completely. And not just leave it at words, but to follow it with actions in this life I have been granted. I have no clue what I am going to do with it, except what God tells me. And honestly, I like it that way…..not knowing. Because God does, and that is more than good enough.