if only i ask

Last night I found myself in a place I have not been for some time. Depression, homesick, lonely, sad and sick all together. I cried last night in a way I have not for some time. My heart desired home, the familiar. It is something I have struggled with for the last several years at different times in my life.

I found myself last night desperately searching for comfort, and picked up my Bible. I just opened it up and landed in the book of Jeremiah, chapter 33, and without much thinking started to read what jumped out at me.

2“This is what the LORD says, he who made the earth, the LORD who formed it and established it – the LORD is his name: 3‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’”

My mind kept thinking about this all day. How I am so confused and often times don’t know what to say or do. I so often just jump in with my thoughts, and here it has hurt, it has caused a rift. I found myself last night crying out to God, in anger and distress, seeking knowledge and wisdom. I still don’t know if I have it, but I want it. To be the best person I need to be for her. The person God has called me to be.

See, God has the answers. Often times I think the reason we mess up so much, at least it is the case in my life, is that we don’t stop to seek His counsel. We fail to take a break from our busy lives and really search Him, bring before Him our issues and struggles, and ask Him for wisdom, knowledge, strength, courage……to ask Him for answers.

It has been said that the life of a Christian is constantly moving, either forwards or backwards. By no ones part other than my own, I have slipped backwards, and I want so desperately to be back where I was and even farther. Not to please anyone, not to say “look at me”, but because I know that when I am close to the heart of God I find true joy, peace and comfort, even if the situations that surround me suck.

God tells us to just ask Him. We see this again with Jesus in the New Testament, when we are told that upon asking we shall receive, and if we would only knock the door will be opened! I don’t know about you, but I look and think about Jesus’ words in a different light now than before after reading this passage in Jeremiah. I don’t know a lot. Honestly, that is hard for me to confess. I remember the first time I told Amanda “I don’t know” when she asked me something. I hated it. Call it a pride issue. But here I find it easy to put my pride aside. I see more clearly now that I am not the only one who does not know much, and that is ok.

God calls us, He invites us to seek Him. He invites us to trust Him. There is so much I want to know. What to say, when to say it, how to say it. And God simply says “Just ask me and I will answer you. Trust me.”

Father, help me to see and hear better. i am asking that you open my eyes, unplug my ears, help me hold my tongue when i need to.....to just listen. you have so much to say, and i am so quick to just blurt something out. you know my heart and my mind God, how i long to know so much. i ask that you would speak to me, guide me in all that i do, every interaction i have with those around me, and the ones i love. might you bring to light my insecurities, my hurts, and guide me in addressing them rightly. grant me Your strength, wisdom and knowledge. reignite the flame that has shrunk so much in my heart to a bright consuming blaze. speak to me i ask.