painful connection

for the last two years almost, i have had the privilege of volunteering with the ems department in our town. and through this experience i have witnessed the gamut of emotions displayed by family members as they watch often times helplessly their loved ones suffer. this has always struck at my heart. growing up in high school and thinking about what i would do with my life, i remember my mom encouraging me to go into nursing; i had the heart for it she claimed. and isn't it funny, that though it was not the direction i wanted or felt called to, God has incorporated it into my life.

i always heard how strong the love of a parent for their child could be. and i have seen it with my own eyes. but today it hit home in a way i never imagined it would. granted, she has only been with us for a few weeks, but regardless she has become a part of this family, a part of me. today i watched helplessly as the doctors wondered the same thing i did: is she going to make it? is she going to fully recover? the answer was out of reach, and all we had to trust was God. as her body lurched with every breath my mind raced; what if she gets to tired? what if she cant breath on her own anymore? is this going to cause long lasting damage to her body? how long will it take for her to recover?

as the doctors and nurses did their job in the ER, my wife and i watched. after continuous breathing treatment she was admitted and placed in the pediatrics unit. they continued to care for her as she continued to fight for breath. her peds doc pulled us aside and explained that this was not bronchitis, this was the worst kind of asthma attack one could have; and she is starting to get worn out fighting for breath. we would monitor her for some time and may need to transport to a more specialized unit.

there we sat, trying to maintain composure in front of her. thinking we had some time and she could stabilize. her heart rate continued to race, and her breathing labored. soon her doc informed us they were preparing the helicopter to transport her to a specialized unit. then the flight nurse and paramedic showed up. our hearts and minds began to race just as fast as hers. and i began to fully understand the worry and concern i had seen before with parents in the ambulance.

how is this going to end?

they prepped her for the flight, transferring wires and tubes and giving shots to help with nausea. we called our works to inform them we would not be in today. then we raced to the car, knowing that they would beat us to the next hospital. about an hour later we arrived and find our way through the hospital to find our daughter in icu. she is panicky, with more tubes and wires.

the rest of our afternoon was spent with phone calls, holding hands and trying to keep ourselves together. the heart beat continues to race, and she continues with breathing treatments; but she improves. all throughout the experience God has been faithful to provide people who have been caring and an encouragement. we thank the friends and family who have been praying for us through this, and have supported us with this calling God has placed in our hearts to care for these kids

and now she lies in her bed, trying to sleep despite the noises and lights. and i sit here exhausted and in need of rest. and to that, i say good night praying God continues to provide the blessings He has been so generous with today. your thoughts and prayers mean the world to us tonight!