to slay

8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.

There’s a thought. And a hard one to practice. I was confronted today by my wife about my attitude lately. In all honesty, it has been one of rudeness and bitterness. And I was stuck with the question of why. Why am I bitter? Why am I so tense and angry? Why is it affecting me this way?

And then Amanda asked me something I had yet to think of.

Does my attitude have anything to do with my most recent work environment?

Now, in all honesty that was an area I didn’t want to visit again. I had walked away from it, feeling damaged enough, and here I am asked to re-examine it? Perhaps it is the counselor in her, but she had a point; I needed to examine it more closely.

So reluctantly, I spent some time reflecting on that past environment and noticed some similarities in my thought patterns. While working where I did, it was made very clear to me that I did not give enough, or perform good enough. My performance was expected to be perfect, and though I knew perfection was not achievable, the criticism and negative attitudes constantly surrounding me, in time brought me down. In time, my thought pattern switched from one focused on Christ to one focused on myself. It changed from one of positive, Christ-centered thought to one of negative and overly critical thought.

I had allowed, unknowingly, this negative attitude to take over my thought life. And in turn, it has had a negative effect on my relationship with my wife. Instead of responding out of love and grace, I have misinterpreted everything as criticism and recoiled back until enough is enough, and I spring back with hurtful negativity. And all the time I have sat here wondering why things have not been fun like they used to be. Why do we not enjoy each other like we did before the wedding?

See, I never realized the significance of my thought patterns in relation to other areas of my life. I had been raised with the mentality that you leave work at work, and just assumed that meant the attitude stayed as well. And honestly, I had tried on several occasions to do just that. But the reality I believe is that you can never fully leave work at work; you can never fully separate an attitude associated with one thing from another. Our attitudes are transcendent; they are not independently attached to a given situation. They follow us from one to the other, just as we walk from point “a” to point “b”. Yet, I don’t believe we think that.

So we end up in a spot much like I am. Angry, bitter, stressed out, recoiling and springing with venom at those we love most. And all the while, not knowing why. Paul tells us though, in his letter to the Philippians how we should think.

8…whatever is true…noble…right…pure…lovely…admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy think about such things.

Our thoughts should be on what is good. What is holy…our thoughts should be on Christ and our Father. Not ourselves, and not the negativity we find surrounding us. Paul knew what a negative thought life could do to a person. He knew the destruction it could bring in its wake. He knew from experience that our thoughts have significant bearing on our actions and our words. The impact is great, for good or bad.

We live in a fallen world, so negativity will be with us until the end. Everywhere we go, everything we do; there will always be an element of negativity surrounding us. Yes, even within a group of believers. Being Christian does not make one immune to negativity. But the truth remains; God provides a way out when faced with sin and temptation. When we find ourselves pressed by negativity, we can turn to Paul’s words. See, it’s so easy to criticize someone, to put them down; especially when we’ve had it done to us. But as followers of Christ, we are called to be different. We are called to be holy just as the Father. Not that we will be perfect, but that in recognizing our imperfection we strive to follow Christ in all that we do. And practice of Paul’s words brings something much greater than any high some bit of criticism towards another can. It brings peace from God, one that transcends all understanding. The peace that deep down we humans desire, the filling of the void all posses from the fall; Peace from God is the answer we seek. The question then, is how badly do we want it? Are we willing to lay our pride down? Are we willing to humble ourselves not only before God, but in front of others? Are we willing to appear weak, when all we have shown is strength? Are we willing to trust in a God who is infinitely greater, infinitely more powerful, and infinitely more capable of fulfilling our needs than anyone or anything else conceivable?

Our beliefs shape our thoughts, and ultimately shape our actions. The real question we must wrestle with is what do you believe about God? Is He what the Scriptures say? Or is He some evil kill-joy, trying to ruin our lives? The things Paul encourages us to think about are essentially traits of God. He is noble, trustworthy, pure, true, right, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy! That is my God, and those are the things I want to think about. I want to think about Him. What I believe about Him, shapes what I think about Him. And in turn, this effects how I think about other things in my life.

Negativity, just like any other sin, only has a hold on us as long as we allow it to. Not that we in of our selves can defeat it. No, it is Christ! But as long as we lie down and allow ourselves to be overrun by Satan, negativity’s grasp on us will not weaken. It’s with Christ, when we wake up and recognize His power within us, through the Spirit we become more than conquerors. When we let go of the reigns of our life and turn them over to Christ, only then will negativity’s grip be broken. And with this freedom through and in Christ, we can practice Paul’s words of exhortation. We can through Christ, find the peace we long for. And ultimately our thoughts can be rightly placed on God and His Son.

Our thoughts influence more than we realize. And more than that, our beliefs are of greater importance than we often give them. We though, are the only ones who can decide what those beliefs will be.

So I ask, how do you want to think?

the next step

you know the old saying, God is good?

well, im here to tell ya this is very true. and by His grace, He has been good by granting us something good.

as many of you probably know by now, i made the decision by God's leading not to return to Moody this coming fall. it was a tough one to make, but i was blessed with a great deal of peace in the end. the first half of this summer i wrestled with being patient and jumping the gun in figuring out what i was going to do this coming fall. amanda and i had talked a great deal about getting married before school started, and perhaps me attending a university in arkansas.

but God had something else up his sleeve for us, something great.

we both felt lead to pursue marriage this august, and so we set out in prayer knowing that if this was God's desire for us, He would open the doors. after some thought and counsel regarding school, we felt lead to have me do a year of ICC, and stay in this area. this decision lead to the finding of a full-time, year round job.......an essential to any marriage (financially that is).

and this is where i get to say, God is good!!!
this past friday i recieved a phone call from the campus housing at ICC, informing me that they would like to offer me the position of Resident Director. it was the day we really needed to say either we go forward with the wedding, or call it off. and God showed up, throwing the door open for us. God has opened so many doors for us just within the last month, allowing things to fall right into place for a wedding next month. it is He we give the praise to, not man. it is by His grace that the job was offered to me. and it is by His grace that everything for the wedding has worked out!

i ask for your prayers as we both prepare for the actual wedding date, and for me as i also prepare for this new job. the environment will be vastly different from what i have experienced in the past. but my God is great, and where i am lacking He is sufficient.

it has begun

much has been happening in my life, as some already know. for those who have been out of the loop and want back in, click the image to the right and read on.....

overwhelming peace

well, another school year has come and gone, and there has been much happening in my life just over the last few days. i left Moody without saying much, and for that i apologize. for those who have not heard, i will not be returning next year to Moody. it was a last minute decision, but one that was prompted by God. mixed feelings come with it, though i am at great peace, despite not having a clue as to what is next. i have many doors open before me, including school, full-time employment, and even over-seas missions. i am not yet sure what God has in store for me concerning next school year, but i am patiently waiting to see, trying different doors and seeing which one God will leave open. i enjoyed my time with friends at Moody, and i want you all to know i will miss you a great deal. many of you i did not get to say goodbye to, and i hope to be back again to visit. through this last week though, i have been reminded of a great truth. when everything falls apart, all of your plans and ideas....God never does. He never leaves, He never changes. He is always there, waiting for you to come to Him. i have shared with some that i have never felt as helpless as i do right now. my funding for my ministry is below par, and i have no idea what i am going to do next school year. but in the midst of what many would find confusing and stressing, i have total peace. not one bit of stress is on my shoulders. and thanks be to God for that. He has provided more than i could have ever asked for, when it looks like i have nothing. i will be visiting some schools, and am considering looking into missions opportunities. i ask for your prayers as i continue to search God's direction at this point in my life. it is an exciting time, and i am thankful to have the ultimate guide leading me on.
philippians 4:6-7 is so true.

it rained today in the city. normally this upsets me, seeing nothing but concrete and then a gray sky dropping water all over me. but today was different. today, it brought a sense of peace and joy. it brought hope.

hope, that soon it will pass. storms come and go, they never stay. some might linger longer than others, but they eventually pass. sometimes they hide the end, like a cloud covering a mountain top....but i know it is still there. there is hope. and though the end i am walking towards seems dark; though the mountain top i climb towards seems non-existent, i know it is there. i cant do it on my own, no. i am to weak, to frail. i am often times blinded by emotion. everything within me says, just curl up in a ball and let it pass. but i cant. i want the light, and it is there.

i need help, i cannot do this on my own. my weakness holds me back, it tempts me to give up. but i cant. i must lean on the One who has been through the storm. the One who has made it, and is qualified to lead. this is where my hope lies. this is where strength surges to overcome my weakness. not my strength, but His. this is my hope. i know what lies behind the clouds in this storm, and it is glorious.

attitude check

iv been wanting to blog again for some time, but have found nothing pressed upon my heart to write. until this morning. normally things come to me in the shower, but this morning it was while i enjoyed my waffles and bacon with a cup of oj.

for the last several weeks i have been working on a lesson for one of my classes. i have been studying a passage in the book of Malachi, and it has been fascinating studying the historical and spiritual context of the people in this book. the main focus i am teaching on has to do with blessing and repentance, but something else came to mind as i sat and thought about the passage at breakfast this morning. something i will not be teaching on this time, so i thought a blog would be good.

my passage of choice is Malachi 3:6-18, and there is an interesting thing that we find in this passage that i believe shows us the hearts of the people. we find here God calling the people of Israel back to repentance, to fully rely on Him and follow the commands He has given them. in return, God promises to bless them incredibly (10b). now, these people have time and time again been called back to repentance and fallen away again. but here we find God calling the people out on specific sins, specifically tithing, and their speaking against God. lets look at the first situation:

7b"But you ask, 'How are we to return?'
8Will a man rob God? Yet you rob me.
But you ask, 'How do we rob you?'"

the people of Malachi's day were not new to this. they knew the commands of the LORD, and yet again they choose to disobey. and here we find God confronting them, calling them out in their sin. did you notice how they responded? as if they were in shock and have no idea what God is talking about. we see it again in the second situation:

13"You have said harsh things against me," says the LORD.
"Yet you ask, 'what have we said against you?'"

yet again we find them playing dumb. here i believe we see the hearts of the people. prideful, arrogant, and self-righteous people who denied and question God's accusations of their sin. i think of the times when i have and do sin still, and how do i act when i am confronted with it. do i play dumb? do i let my selfish pride and self-righteousness get in the way, and stop me from being humbled and repenting? sadly, i must say yes. i think many of us do. it is funny, at least for me, how i can look at the people of the Bible, and be so judgmental and condescending in my thoughts towards them. "wow, were they blind? that seems so easy! why couldn't they just do it???" and yet, i am no different than they were. i am just as sinful, and just as spiritually dumb a lot of the time. i am just as self-righteous and prideful and arrogant as the people of the Bible. and yet, we are called to be much more than that. or perhaps, it would be better put to say much less than that. to be humble. to be repentant.

it makes me think of the psalm of David after Nathan the prophet confronted him of his adulterous act with Bathsheba. in Psalm 51 he writes,

17The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.

we do not see this at first with the people in Malachi's day. their hearts were prideful and arrogant, full of self-righteousness. we are called to be as David was when his sin was found out; broken, humbled and repentant before the throne of God.

next time you are confronted with sin in your life, how will you react? will it be in a way similar to the Israelite's of Malachi's day? or will it be like that of David? and this isn't just with God directly, but with the people He places in our paths as well. what would it look like if the next time you get in an argument with your spouse, you went back to them and apologized? or when you make fun of that kid at school, you tell them you are sorry? what would it look like, what would it be like, if those were not just words that spilled out of our mouths as involuntary reactions, but were instead intentionally filled with humility, love and repentance? God wants more than empty words. He wants repentance, and obedience.

the simple five year plan: follow, wait, trust

i just got back from the morning session of founder's week for today. and i am mixed with a feeling of refreshing and humbleness. the first speaker, crawford loritts spoke from the Psalms of david. in particular Psalm 34. the message he brought forth was one of great need i believe, to my stubborn heart. Crawford spoke of david in a time of distress, when everything seemed to be falling down around him. and yet, he knew where to put his trust. he knew that even though all these things are falling down around him, God was still there. and this is where he needed to put his trust.

the second speaker was one greatly known in the Christian community. the creator of veggie tales, phil vischer. he told his story of how God used the event of losing his dream, Big Idea Productions, as a catalyst for getting him back on the right track. this hit me hard. the truth he brought forth with examples like the shunammite woman and elisha, and abraham sacrificing isaac. the truth? our main thing needs to be the main thing, and that is God. that we need to be willing to give up everything to God, trusting He knows best for us. there was this equation phil spoke about, that God + stuff = the same as God only. you see, we cant add anything to God, and we need nothing more than God alone. so why are we so fixed on our stuff? why do we cling so tightly to these dreams? we should be clinging instead to the Creator. phil ended by talking about noah, and how all he did was walk in righteousness before God. and you know what? God brought a great task for him to do. but noah didnt go looking for something great to do. instead he waited, and during that time of wait he followed God.

do we do that? or are we more concerned with where we will be five years down the road? when you are asked that question, is your answer like that phil offered? do you simply want to be in the Will of God? i know one thing about my future. God has something in store for me. what is it? i honestly dont know. and i am ok with that. in fact, i find a great deal of peace in not knowing. cause you see, if the Creator of dreams and ideas wants you to do something, He will tell you. He will show you. you dont have to go out searching.

you only have to follow and wait. hows that for a kicker?

the up-and-coming...

Click on the picture to expand for reading)


it has come to my attention that it has been some time since i have last blogged. and honestly, i am feeling a bit horrible about it. writing has become such a huge part of my life over the last few years, that to not do it for a length of time is like starving myself of food. i have so much i wish to write, but not enough time. i have been wrestling with several things i hope to share in the very near future. but for now, i wish to share what i am in the process of doing.

in this post i have included my support letter for my summer ministry. God has been gracious yet again in providing me with a ministry opportunity that is out of this world. how that has come to be, and what exactly, you will have to read the letter to find. in all, even when the sky's in life seem dark and rainy, i can attest that the LORD God is a good, gracious, and loving God. be on the look out for more to come!


p.s. - if you would like more information on what i will be up to, or how you can help me prepare for this summer and meet my goals, please contact me!