A (Re)Found Motivation

i found myself thinking today. it occurred to me that i often think of myself as a dirty, filthy, worthless being, a sinner before the eyes of God. that no matter what i do, i am nothing more than a sinner before the eyes of God.

then something hit me.

i have Christ. I have professed Him as Lord and Savior of my life. i admit, as of late this commitment has not been fulfilled as i believe it should be. and i think this is why my mind traveled to this topic. i started to consciously view myself as worthless and dirty before the eyes of God. not to downplay my sin, but i do not believe this idea, this view of myself is correct.

the purpose of Christ's death was to cover our sins, so that when God looks at us, He sees the pureness of Christ, His Son. i am covered, my sin is washed away. again, this does not excuse my sin, as i will be held accountable for it on the day of judgment before that Great White Throne.

though i still fall, i know who i belong to, and what i am. a beloved child of God, forgiven of my sins through the acceptance and surrender of my life to Jesus Christ, through His death, burial and resurrection.

this gives me a re-found hope, one that it seems i have lost along the way recently. perhaps hope is not the best word, but motivation. a motivation to strive for pureness and holiness as i am called. God has called me to be holy as He is holy, i believe above all else. the fact i am seen as pure motivates me to strive for that pureness, that it might not be a fake image of who i am. not that my actions gain me favor, but that they bring Him pleasure.

i am pure in the eyes of God. for in me, He sees His Son. the One who took my punishment upon the cross, even before the foundations of the Earth, covers me with His holiness. in this i find once again, motivation to strive for pureness in the greatest.

For Your Information: my disclaimer

after some thought, and some comments about my blog regarding our troops, i thought i might give some background as to why i feel the way i do. i feel after re-reading it some background might help.

first, my goal is not to win anyone with this post, or the one i am referring to. i say this because from my experience those who do not agree refuse to change their minds. non the less, i cannot continue to bottle up how i feel. call it a venting post. this is the purpose of this blog, to express how i feel. this is always the purpose of my blogs, this one just happens to be an angry one. if you do not like it, i am not sorry. it is how i feel, and i will not apologize for that.

second, i have long put up with listening to, and even being criticized myself for my support of those who put others before themselves. and what makes me angry, is it is often "Christians" who do this. you know what is funny? those "Christians" who criticize the troops, suck at putting others first when compared to the troops. and you know what? i openly admit i am one of those "Christians" who sucks at this. but i respect them. i recognize the sacrifices they make to do what they do. and i am proud to say my older brother is one of those troops, who sacrificed time with his family, his comfort and luxury, and many times almost his own life. this is something those who criticize, i guarantee do not do.

for the last several years of my life i have listened to so called Americans trash the nation they live in, and the men and women who serve to protect it from threat. often, i have caught personal attacks for my stance. i am proud to support those serving, for this country, for me and you, and for those who cannot do it themselves.

it makes me angry, and rightly so i believe. i see so many people take advantage of what they have here, and then trash talk those who provide protection of it. maybe i am being redundant here, but you know what? i dont care. i dont think the arrogant, so called Americans in this country have heard this message enough.

i am sick of hearing people in this country trash talk those who protect the rights they arrogantly take advantage of. i am sick of hearing the people who only care about themselves trash talk those who put others before themselves.

so i say it again. i do not apologize for how i feel. i am not trying to win anyone. those who agree with me already do, and those who dont will continue to be arrogant, selfish, un American Americans. and as i said before, if you cannot be grateful for what you have, no one is making you stay here.

In The Backyard

it happened. the thing in todays world you wish never happens, and your heart breaks if it does, did. thursday, february 14th of 2008 a shooting occurred in my home state of Illinois, at the Northern Illinois University campus in DeKalb, Illinois.

iv heard about shootings, iv read about them. but this is my backyard. this is home. it means something different i am sad to say. before, my heart went out to those effected by these situations, but it hits harder when it is at home. when it is in the backyard.

i dont know what to say. i am speechless. i think of the VT shootings, and how shocked i was. it never loses its shock value. it always catches us off guard. and i think that is good.

it reminds me how short life is, and how much shorter it can be. it reminds me that this life is not all that important......it is just temporary. it reminds me that life is just a vapor. one day we are here, and the next we are gone.

my heart is broken, and my thoughts are somewhat scattered if you cant tell. naturally my mind starts to race and wants to know why someone would do such a thing. and honestly, i dont know if we will ever truly understand as long as we are on this earth. we can think, we can theorize why the man did what he did.....but we will never fully understand. only God does. in all of His infinite knowledge and wisdom, that of which we with finite minds can never truly nor fully comprehend, called them home now. i dont understand why, and i dont have to. God is God, not i. do i want to know and understand? yes. do i have to? no.

but i do know this from experience. God hears us, He hears our cries. our cries of pain, suffering, ache......our cries for help. our cries for peace and comfort. our cries for understanding. i believe He answers, because He has for me time and time again. sometimes it is not what i want to hear. others it is. either way, i find peace in knowing that He is a God who knows the epitome of best for me, and all of His creation.

my urging for those in pain, those who put stock in this life is this: seek Him, trust Him. this life is temporary. make it count, and do so for His Kingdom. if you are in pain, if you need peace and comfort, seek Him. open your heart, open your mind to God, and let Him do His work in your life. seek His Son, Christ Jesus. for He is the only hope. and let go of this life, surrendering it to His Will.

this doesnt promise safety or exclusion from trials or hardships. but, He will provide you a comfort, a peace that surpasses all our finite understanding.

my heart, prayers and thoughts go out to those at NIU today and in the days to come. may you seek and find. may you be filled with a peace, with a comfort that you cannot explain. and may you in that be drawn to the only Hope. Jesus Christ.

God bless you all.

For Every American To Ponder

i have seen many emails and posts much like this one. and every time my heart is stirred, and my eyes well up with tears. i think of the men and women out there fighting for you, fighting for me, and fighting for those who cannot fight for themselves. how they sacrifice so much, willingly, and receive so little thanks. honestly, i think of those who do not support the troops, or the war, and i get angry. i have never in my life seen such selfish people in all of my life. you claim we do more bad than good. well i have this to say to you. first of all, get your facts straight. stop ignoring the clear fact of SUICIDE BOMBERS. it is they that are killing the innocent, not the American soldiers. second, honestly...if you dont like it, if you can not be grateful for the freedoms you so arrogantly practice in this country and the men and women who protect them for you, leave. seriously, pack up your bags and leave this country, because i am sick of you trash talking and disrespecting those who give more than you ever will while asking for nothing in return. third, dont act like you know what it is like because you read some books, watch the news, or talked to a soldier who deserted or doesnt agree. anyone who joins the military and doesnt want to go to war needs to check themselves, CAUSE THAT IS WHAT A MILITARY IS FOR! defense and offense, for us and for others. perhaps it hits home with me more because my older brother has been there. you people bad mouth him while you sit here in the USA protected, while he is overseas being shot at, thousands of miles away from his wife, two little daughters and other family. he didnt ask for this no, but he believes it is right. putting others before himself, and fighting for the rights of others. i respect that. you who protest, i dont respect you for a minute. if you cannot respect those who sacrifice for you, leave. just leave. go where you dont have rights. it wont hurt me none.

from a proud American and brother of an Iraqi Vet who proudly serves this country,

Luke Wagner

enjoy this next part.



Turn up your volume too theres a song!

You stay up for 16 hours.
He stays up for days on end.




You take a warm shower to help you wake up.
He goes days or weeks without running water.




You complain of a "headache", and call in sick.
He gets shot at as others are hit, and keeps moving forward.




You put on your anti war/don't support the troops shirt, and go meet up with your friends.
He still fights for your right to wear that shirt.




You talk trash about your "buddies" that aren't with you.
He knows he may not see some of his buddies again.




You walk down the beach, staring at all the pretty girls.
He patrols the streets, searching for insurgents and terrorists.

..


You complain about how hot it is.
He wears his heavy gear, not daring to take off his helmet to wipe his brow.




You go out to lunch, and complain because the restaurant got your order wrong.
He doesn't get to eat today.




Your maid makes your bed and washes your clothes.
He wears the same things for weeks, but makes sure his weapons are clean.




You go to the mall and get your hair redone.
He doesn't have time to brush his teeth today.




You're angry because your class ran 5 minutes over.
He's told he will be held over an extra 2 months.




You call your girlfriend and set a date for tonight.
He waits for the mail to see if there is a letter from home.




You hug and kiss your girlfriend, like you do everyday.
He holds his letter close and smells his love's perfume.




You roll your eyes as a baby cries.
He gets a letter with pictures of his new child, and wonders if they'll ever meet.




You criticize your government, and say that war never solves anything.
He sees the innocent tortured and killed by their own people and remembers why he is fighting.




You hear the jokes about the war, and make fun of men like him.
He hears the gunfire, bombs and screams of the wounded.




You see only what the media wants you to see.
He sees the broken bodies lying around him.




You are asked to go to the store by your parents. You don't.
He does exactly what he is told even if it puts his life in danger.




You stay at home and watch TV.
He takes whatever time he is given to call, write home, sleep, and eat.




If you support your troops, the click "reply to poster" copy all the codes, and repost the bulletin.

If you don't support your troops well, then don't re-post. You won't die in 7 days, your love life won't be affected, and you won't have the worst day ever. You don't have to repost. It's not like you know the men and women that are dying to preserve your rights.

Reflection #5: Modern Day Cloud Of Witnesses

this reflection is based once again on the introduction of the book. i wrote it after listening to the song "Cloud Of Witnesses" by Mark Schultz, a song that has always stirred my heart and made my eyes well up with tears. blessings.

so im listening to a song. a song that i heard many years ago that for the past few, has stirred my heart every time i hear it. it speaks of a cloud of witnesses. the Church body. not the ones of old, but of the modern day. our parents, teachers, pastors, friends......the ones we walk with today, in Christ.

it strikes a very sensitive chord in my heart. there is a part where he sings of a boy losing his father, and how the friends surround him.....help him give his father up to God. something we will all one day face, something i have come close to many times with my fathers poor health. it makes me appreciate the blessing of people, a modern day cloud of witnesses, that God has placed in my life.

a cloud that i know will follow me down the road. a cloud that i know will help me through the hard times. a cloud that will support me. a cloud that inspires me. this is a modern day cloud of witnesses.

Can't find the logic, only peace

have you ever found something, been so sure of it.........this is it. and it hurts inside waiting, but waiting you know you must. you don't understand, but you trust. you cant find any logic in any of it, but you see God's hand it in everywhere.

like a small child's picture of finger-painting. prints of the fingers and hands cover the whole page.

here i am. i am so excited, i am finding it hard to even type this!

im at a new level. my love is deeper. there is no logic, iv been told this in different ways so many times i laugh now.

it hasn't been long enough.
you haven't spent enough time in person with her.
she is young, immature.
you are to young and don't know what you are talking about.


maybe it hasn't been long enough according to society.
maybe we haven't been together in person long enough.
she isn't to young, and i would argue (though biased ;-) ) that she is more mature than most girls her age, in every aspect.
i am not to young, though i admit i don't have a clue what i am doing.

but you know what???????

i am trusting.

not man, not myself. i am trusting God.

He has yet to tell me i have taken a wrong turn. there have been trials, arguments, disappointments.............but He has been faithful, and full of grace and mercy.

and He has shown it many times to me through her.

the greatest thing so far? today i finally reached a point i have been struggling with.......and i didn't do anything myself to get there!

i want to tell her everything, how my day went, how i am feeling, what i want and need. everything. past, present, future.

and she doesn't need to push me, poke and prod like i had to ask her to do before.

and not only this.......i am at peace about everything. i know who's hands this relationship is in. and i trust them. why shouldn't i????

i have all these years with everything else.........why should this be any different?

i have been blessed with a woman who is more than i deserve. and i truely believe that. and i have been called on something. holding on to it so tight.......it could burst in my face.

so here i am, at peace, and bringing her before God. letting it go and placing it in His hands.

after all, He knows what He is doing. and i am just walking blind.

but i trust. and He is good.

Reflection #4: Know the enemy, use his ammo

this reflection is from chapter two, of which discusses Justin Martyr:

how often do we fully understand what we are fighting? think about it.....how much do we really know about ways of thinking like atheism, agnostic's, Jehovah's Witnesses, Mormons, Catholics, etc. what fascinated me most about Justin Martyr is that he knew what he was up against. but more than just know, he understood how they thought and why. granted this is in part because he was once one of them, but still.

because he understood what they believed and why, he was able to answer the gnawing questions in a way they understood, without watering down the Gospel. that i think is the key. so often i think we sacrifice the heart of the message of Christ in turn for the person to "accept Christ". what good does the acceptance of Him do, if they don't even know the real deal?

i think Justin got that. i think of others in Scripture, like Peter, Paul, Stephen, who were all persecuted for the message. they also took it to those around them and presented it in a way that was understandable without jeopardizing the heart of it.

i am challenged. i am once again, as i am finding to become regular with each reading, convicted. how often do i water down the message just to get a person to listen to me? or go at it in a way that they don't understand? i believe it is vital that we understand what we are up against (after knowing well what it is we proclaim), and challenge it in a way that is understandable. this is the example i see set before me not only with Justin, but the Apostles, and even Jesus.

might we take notice and follow suit?

Reflection #3: Staying True

this post is actually in regards to the introduction of the book, and a comment made by the author that stuck out to me. enjoy:

when i read, i always carry a highlighter, to mark passages that "jump out" at me. this book has been no different, and i wish to share about one passage in the introduction. on page 29, the author states "It is of vital importance that every Christian believer be found traveling along the same path of historic orthodoxy that the ancient believers first labored to create."

i was amazed, and extremely happy to read this. i believe one of the main reasons we have so many messed up, wacky, un-Biblical views going around in the Church today, is simply because we have lost touch with our history. we have lost touch with our historical Christian roots. we have departed from orthodoxy in pursuit of making people happy and increasing numbers.

sick!

the reason it is important to "... be found traveling along the same path of historic orthodoxy that the ancient believers first labored to create." is not so we can honor those who shaped it, as much as i believe it is to remain Biblical. Scripture comes before man.

let us turn back if we have left, and let us do so humbly. let us remain true to Scripture, true to Christ....not man.

let us remain in orthodoxy.

Reflection #2: A Love For A Brother

something else stirred my heart about Ignatius, and naturally i felt compelled to write about it:

i find it fascinating that Ignatius felt he had to write to the church in Rome prior to his arrival there. he knew the purpose of his trip there....it was told by the chains. but why did he write to them?

his letter stressed to them the importance of them NOT interfering with his trip, and ultimate end there in death. i find this striking. it appears to me that the church in Rome was willing to do anything to protect Ignatius.

i think of our brothers and sisters around the world who are persecuted daily for Christ. they send us no letters urging us to stand aside. perhaps because we are not jumping to help?

this is convicting for me. i sit back, often times letting the fact these things happen every day just escape my mind. i want to be one who receives a letter of sorts. i want my faith, my love for my brothers and sisters to be so strong and so bold, that i must be urged by them when persecuted for the Lord's name, to stand aside. not for my own self-worth mind you. but because i love my brother and sister so much, i will do anything for them, even die in their place.

might we be convicted, even encouraged to love our brothers and sisters, as i believe the church of Rome loved Ignatius. let's be bold and courageous for one another.

Reflection #1: High Expectations

the following is the first of what will perhaps become several reflections i am writing for my research writing class. they are based off my reading of "Getting To Know The Church Fathers" by Bryan M. Litfin. i pray they speak to you, stir your heart and mind to actively pursue Christ at a deeper level than you might be now. this first one is based on chapter one of the book, Ignatius of Antioch:

i was convicted when i read about Ignatius' view of the bishop in a church. i have always viewed the pastor as the head spiritual leader for the congregation, but as the picture of the very presence of God! wow! knowing God has called me into the ministry, specifically to be a youth pastor, i am convicted.

it reminds me of how much people look up to a leader, and in the case of a pastor, the shepherd of the flock, the stakes are higher.

i think of James when he talks about presuming to be teachers (though specifically talking about speech there, i think we can use the same point here), and how we will be judged more strictly.

the role of the bishop, of the pastor, is one of great responsibility. it is one that should not be taken lightly, nor do i believe accepted eagerly (but humbly). i pray that as i continue to follow God in my calling, that i remember this philosophy of Ignatius, and strive to be the very presence of God to the flock He entrusts to me.

Love Despite Requirement

i have started reading a new book. and it is odd, because i love it. the fact i love it does not make it odd. the fact that it is required reading for one of my classes and i love it, is what is odd. honestly though, i am fascinated with the topic and the content it contains.

the book is titled "Getting To Know The Church Fathers: An Evangelical Introduction" by Bryan M. Liftin. this guy, who is associate professor of theology at Moody Bible Institute (i cannot wait to take one of his classes!), dives into a hand full of the early Church Fathers who laid it all on the line, and in turn paved the road for much of the Church today.

i have been inspired, convicted and challenged......and i am only two chapters in! my heart has grown to want to seek more about these fathers and their lives, and how they believed so deeply in the Lord Jesus Christ and His message, they died for it.

we talked a little bit in my Christian missions class today about another church father (of whom is not addressed in the book, but still worth studying i believe), Polycarp. it is amazing what he did, and how God provided for him. he is a clear example of how God gives us the strength in the time of trial. after dragged before the emperor and instructed to recant, he refused. upon being threatened with being eaten by wild animals, he basically told the emperor to bring it on. angry, the emperor directed for him to be bound to a stake and burned alive....to this Polycarp refused to be bound, and stood there willingly. as the stake burned, he stood there singing hymns and did not burn. angry yet more, the emperor had him stabbed, and upon being stabbed his blood put out the fire surrounding him!

in all of it, he held to his convictions and went out singing to God!!!!!

this faith fascinates me, and challenges me. i would encourage you to pick up a copy of this book and read it. i believe you will not regret reading this work, and like me....find it fascinating and be stirred to get to know the Church Fathers even better.


keep swimming deeper.

Fire Insurance

i read another blog the other day and made a comment. then today i read another blog that i think might have been sparked by the first and my comment, and i made a comment on that. now, if you can track all of that, here i am now. i have said before that i do not write simply because i enjoy it. in fact, most of the time i hate it. i write because i have to. it is a non-living vent that just listens (although i thank God for those vents who are alive in my life....you know who you are ;-) ).

fire insurance. this nation has been called a "Christian" nation, but i dont buy it. i think this nation is one filled with people who have fire insurance. and that is it.

and it breaks my heart. it makes me sick, to the point i could vomit.

and i believe this is in large part to the Church. we have dropped the ball. we have sacrificed the truth for numbers.

sick!

i wonder, if perhaps Jesus is in heaven watching us, crying and shaking His head. i think of Paul, and Peter, and Steven, and many of the early Church Fathers who preached the Gospel of Christ without a second thought of who they might offend. today, we preach a fuzzy and warm Jesus.

"If you ask Jesus into your heart today, your life will be better. You will be successful and never find hardship in your life."

a stretch you might think.........no. this is the message i hear in many of the churches across the nation that i have had the opportunity to visit. not so much in those words, but the bottom line is the same. and i can not help but think of all the people who "accepted Christ" for a better life here on earth, and upon hitting a hardship they were told would not come, throw it all away.

sick!

i think of Martin Luther, when he said "The Church is whore, but she is still my mother."

look at what we have done. we have traded Biblical truths for tolerance of sin. i am lost for words to describe how i feel. how angry it makes me. how disgusted i am.

what a grave injustice we have done to Christ. i am sick of hearing fire insurance being preached so we can say "X number of people were saved today!!!" lets get our act together. stop preaching a warm fuzzy Jesus, and preach the real deal. preach Scripture. lead and teach the people what it really means to accept Christ..........it is more than just saying some words. it is about following.

and if you are wondering about it, think about this. as Christians we are called to follow Christ. with this in mind, look at what He did and went through. He died for us, He endured hardship and trial.......and did so humbly. how dare we even think we might be subject to anything less. if we are, praise God! but let us never expect it.....

excuse me while i go vomit.